What do you get when you cross a worn out premise with a cliche?
How many talking dogs does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, because it can.
A guy walks into a bar with a duck on his head. The bartender asks, "What is that duck doing on your head?' The guy replies. "I dunno, is it the backstroke?"
What do you get when you cross a road with a chicken?
To the other side.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ya.
Ya who?
Orange you glad to see me?
If where you park your car is a driveway, and where you drive your car is a parkway, what's a roadway?
About 50 tons.
The invisible man walks into the doctor's office complaining it hurts when he laughs. The receptionist says, "Sorry, the doctor can't see you."
A priest, a rabbi and a lama are lost at sea in a lifeboat. The rabbi says, "I hope to God somebody saves us." The priest says, "I hope God saves us." The lama says, "Make me one with everything."
The crusty, old schoolteacher asks her class, "What's the difference between Uranus and the moon?"
A boy in the back blurts out, "Nobody's been to Uranus."
E.T. stops at an isolated gas station in the middle of nowhere and asks the attendant, "Does this road go to Area 51?"
The attendant says, "Nope. Just sits there."
Why does an elephant have four flat feet and a duck two flat feet?
So they can walk around.
A Polish man with his wife goes up to the hotel front desk, the man says, "Please, call me a taxi."
A hunchback bellhop grabs their luggage, heads toward the front door saying, "Walk this way."
Once outside the obviously drunk doorman asks the couple, "How did shou find our hotel, shir?"
Just then a taxi driven by an out-of-work musician pulls up. The man asks the driver, "Do know how to get to Carnegie Hall?"
Pulling away from the curb the cabie asks, "Are you here on business or pleasure?"
They arrive outside Carnegie Hall where only the man gets out and hands the driver a fifty, "Can you change a big bill?"
"Take my wife, please." The man says as he walk away. The woman blurts out, "Quick, man, can you help me catch the next train?"
Arriving outside the depot the woman asks, "What is this, Grand Central Station?"
She goes inside and asks the nearest porter who's one day from retirement, "Can I take this train to Albany?"
Suddenly the old redcap clutches his chest and keels over. The woman cries out, "Does anyone here know what to do for a heart attack?"
A lawyer, a farmer's daughter and the Pope rush over. The distressed old porter looks up and mutters, "What is this, some kind of dumb joke?"
copyright Terry Colon, 2008