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Things That Didn’t Happen in 2015

As another event-filled year passes by the board, we at terry colon dot com once again raise our glasses and salute the unfulfilled non-events you may have missed. Well, everyone missed because you can’t see what didn’t happen, can you? And we don’t mean the things unreported by the media as if they never happened, we mean things that really didn’t happen.

One might suppose citing things not in fact happening indicates negativity on our part. Au contraire, not getting hit by a Mack truck, that’s good. No plague of frogs, also good. Zombies didn’t eat your brain, very good indeed. Not awaking one morning to find yourself trans­formed into a giant insect, excellent.

We could continue in this vein ad nauseam, the list of nothings not happening is practically endless. We choose to limit ourselves to thirteen. We readily admit it’s not a nice round number, but then zero is the only truly round number. Or rather, the only round numeral. So, without any further ado we present Things That Didn’t Happen in 2015.

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universes

1

santa

2

zombie

3

rat-race

4

fed

5

compass

6

government

7

memory

8

mime

9

NASA

10

red-cross

11

speech

12

Thai

13

Mouseover the number boxes to reveal the headlines

Say what you will, our cataloging of things that do not happen has been pretty darn dead on the money. Or maybe just dead on arrival. Here’s more in the same vein:

Newsy Spoofs

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