If you’re like me, and lucky thing for you you’re not, you think today’s product warnings and directions have jumped the shark, as the kids say. Not only are they ubiquitous and unnecessary, they can be downright silly. After all, the general public aren’t morons. Mostly. Are officious regulators and nervous lawyers to blame? Who knows? All I know is the results can be comical.

Below are fourteen examples taken from real products in real life. You just can’t make this stuff up. Only the art has been completely made up in cartoon fashion, because that’s just what I do. The names have not been changed to protect the innocent, I just don’t know all the company names. Anyway, they’re guilty.

Directions: Mouseover pic to enlarge and read advisory (Laughter is optional)

That’s it. Short and sweet. And hopefully amusing. If not, it was short.