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Capitol

Hot air generated in the Senate could be collected in the capitol dome and pumped out to heat Federal offices in the winter.

Revolving

Revolving doors between congressional chambers and lobbyist offices can be hooked to generators to supply power and lighting for government offices.

Bathroom

Congressional bills can be printed on toilet paper for easy and appropriate reuse.

Hooker

Big savings can be had on “entertainment expenses” if the fed would simply hire hookers who can type for congressional staffs. Such a move would eliminate redundancy and should cut down on sexual harassment lawsuits as well.

Postal

Shredded documents can be used to stuff mattresses for civil servants sleeping on the job, thus cutting trash hauling charges and ensuring a good day’s rest so that federal employees (especially Postal workers) don’t wake up grumpy and feeling “a little homicidal.”

Mummy

We could save the cost of running elections every two years by making all Congressional terms for life. After all, incumbents are nearly always re-elected unless they’re dead or in prison, and sometimes even then.

Tank

Get Nike and Adidas to sponsor branches of the armed services by supplying free military uniforms with their logos on them just like they do for sports teams. Sell advertising space on military equipment as well as on federal office buildings. The Pentagon would be a natural for the Chrysler Motors pentastar logo.

Flag

Privatize the Department of Defense. We could save millions by hiring the mainland Chinese infantry at $10 a year each. We’d thus be able to afford military adventurism on a grand scale. Heck, we could finally invade Canada should we ever decide to take care of that “northern problem.”

Instead of invading dirt poor little countries like Haiti and Grenada, try kicking butt in RICH little countries like Monaco or Brunei. This way the military can start paying for itself or even show a profit.

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