Oaty Meal

Ingredients:
2 cups Cheerios (or store brand equivalent)
3/4 cup whole milk
1 tsp sugar

Directions: Pour Cheerios into bowl. Sprinkle sugar over top. Add milk. Stir and serve.

Variant: Try adding the milk first and then the sugar.

Java Jelly-a-go-go

Ingredients:
2 cups water
1 tsp instant coffee
(optional: 1 tsp sugar)
(optional: 2 heaping tsp creamer)
1 jelly donut

Directions: Heat water untill it bubbles. Scoop coffee in coffee mug, add bubbling water and stir. (Add optional ingredients to mix at this point.) Place jelly donut on plate and serve.

Variant: If you don’t have a clean plate, or any dishes at all, you can hold donut in hand and eat over the sink.

Franco-Italian-American Sandwich

Ingredients:
2 slices of bread
2 slices of bologna
2 knifefuls of mayonnaise
1 squirt of yellow mustard
1/4 handful of lettuce

Directions: On cutting board, or any flat dry surface, place two slices of bread side by side. Spread 1 knifeful of mayonnaise on top of each slice. (Lick knife clean for future use.) Squirt yellow mustard in swirly pattern on one slice. Place bologna slices on mustard side slice. Cover bologna with lettuce. Place other slice of bread on top of slice with mustard, bologna and lettuce. Important: Flip over while placing on top so mayonnaise side is facing down.

Note: Some bolognas have a red skin. This is not a natural casing as on some hot dogs, but some kind of plastic which should be removed before eating.

Double-decker Scottish Burger

Ingredients:
1 automobile
1 five dollar bill

Directions: Get in car and drive to nearest McDonald’s restaurant. When reaching front of line order “One Big Mac.” Hand cashier five dollar bill.

Variant: Do you want fries with that?

Pizza

Ingredients:
1 phone book
1 phone
1 ten dollar bill
1 12-oz. can of beer

Directions: Open phone book to section letter P, this follows O and precedes Q. Under heading for pizza and find nearest or best local pizza restaurant. Phone in order for pizza with toppings of your choice. Wait 30 minutes or less. Upon arrival pay for pizza including tip for driver. Open beer and serve.

Variant: 1 16-oz. bottle of beer

Important: Make sure your pizza restaurant of choice delivers or you’ll be waiting a lot longer than 30 minutes for food to arrive. In fact, forever.

Home-style Chef’s Surprise

Ingredients:
1 automobile
1 mother

Directions: Get in car and drive to mom’s home. Upon entering say, “Hi, mom. Surprise!” Have whatever she’s having or will make you.

Variant: If you live with your parents omit step one above.