“Today I am a man.”

Mouseover for the “added gag”

“Actually, dear, I don’t think our family CAN be too
materialistic. We’re rich.”

“Take a right at the crossroads. Take that road about
twenty miles, past Area 49, then...”

“What will it take for me to put you in this little number today?”

“You know, Mr. Poppinfresh, a low-carb diet
isn’t ideal for everyone.”

“Next time YOU wipe.”

“Looks like we’ve got a surreal killer loose out there.”

“I don’t know, Mary, but young love just seemed better somehow.”

“No doubt about it, Harry. It’s the first sign of spring.”

“What did you say the name was?”

Kicking the can down the road; putting how government operates in perspective

“I wouldn't worry about it. Having an imaginary friend is fairly common and quite harmless.”

“You have been found guilty of perjury. Hope you die. Bailiff, stick a needle in his eye.”

“Number three, let me hear you say, ‘I’ve come for thee, William Hastings’.”

“Given your condition, I'd say you have about two weeks to live.”

“Actually, Father, I have no intention of jumping. I just came out here for a cigarette.”

“Do you have any other work experience besides men's room attendant?”

“Notice how the eyes follow about the room.”

“Honey, I'm home!”

“You really need to let go of the past.”

“That darned cat has been spraying in the house again.”

“On second thought, I think I'd like to be cremated instead.”

“We have ways of making you talk, little man.”