If you’ve ever wondered what in the world is going on and want some answers pronto, you’ve come to the wrong place. All I can tell you is what is going on around here, more or less. Mostly less. So, in the usual fashion of websites the world over, I give you the following Q and A bits. First comes the standard FAQ bit, followed by me interviewing myself. Now that you know what’s what, let’s get the show on the road:
• What’s the purpose of this site?
To prove million dollar ideas are a dime a dozen.
• Why is the cursor a tiny mouse?
A huge mouse covers up too much text and art.
• Is there a way to make terrycolon.com my home page?
Yes.
• How do I share this site with friends and family?
Buy them a computer.
• How can I support terrycolon.com?
I find atop a desk works for me.
• Can I follow you on FaceBook or Twitter?
No. But that doesn’t mean FaceBook and Twitter aren’t following you.
• Can people reuse your art without getting permission first?
Apparently.
• Do you publish material from outside writers?
Not that they’re aware of.
• Can I work for terrycolon.com?
Yes. Do whatever you do now for work and send me the money.
• Why is there no comments section?
No comment.
• How can I take you seriously?
If you laugh I’m joking. If you don’t laugh I’m serious. Or it’s a bad joke.
• Why am I seeing this?
I forgot to delete it.
• Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
Well, isn’t it a chicken that’s inside the egg? Ponder that a while. Deep, huh?
• Where did I leave my car keys?
The same place you lost them. Always look there first and you’ll save a lot of time.
• Smoking or nonsmoking?
The site is nonsmoking. If you see smoke coming from terrycolon.com check your power supply. Now!
• Who died and left you boss?
Suck.com
• How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
The amount of wood a woodchuck can chuck has been codified as one chuck, represented by the Greek letter chia, and is officially yie by yie by yea high.
• Why can’t we travel faster than light?
The fuel line may be clogged. Disconnect line at tank and suck on it until you’re lightheaded. Reconnect and fill tank with 50/50 mix of rocket fuel and nitroglycerine. Good luck. Was this answer helpful?
• How do you get down off an elephant?
Pluck it.
• Is the Pope Catholic?
That line used to be the punchline to a joke, now it’s a joke all by itself.
• Why do fools fall in love?
Because they’re fools, of course. What’d you expect?
• Do we have free will or is it all destiny?
You must believe in free will, you have no choice.
• What’s the meaning of life?
Life is Nature’s way of keeping you busy until you die. Death is Nature’s way of killing you. Afterlife is what happens when you wake up dead.
• Am I crazy or are these FAQs fake and really stupid?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• Is that it?
It is what it is, and that’s that.
I have with me, me, to ask and answer a few questions about me. Tell me, me, to what do you owe your surprising success?
Why “surprising”?
Well, you’re not very talented or accomplished, are you?
There’s some truth in that. On the other hand, I’m not all that successful.
OK then, why are you such an unsurprising unsuccess?
It’s not my fault. The world has let me down, it doesn’t understand me.
Perhaps it’s more likely you don’t understand the world?
Gah! I’ve thought alot about the world, but the world thinks very little of me.
There is that. Then again, you can say the same about most people.
No I couldn’t. It would take too long.
Well, you wouldn’t have to name them.
Of course not. I’m pretty sure they were already named by their parents.
Never mind them, we were talking about you. Why is there a terrycolon.com?
Like they kind-of say: Some see things as they are and ask why. I see things that never were and ask, “Am I hallucinating?”
And do you ever answer yourself?
No. It’s bad enough I see things that aren’t there, it’d be worse to start talking to myself.
Rather like you’re doing right now?
I’m not going to answer that.
Moving on, if you had it to do all over again would you do it the same?
Good heavens no.
Interesting. Why not?
I don’t remember how I did it the first time.
Provided you could remember, if you had it to do all over again would you do it the same?
Good heavens no.
You’re repeating yourself.
Ironic, huh?
Like déjà vu all over again.
Come again?
Like déjà vu all over again.
You trying to be funny.
Yes.
Try harder.
Any final words of wisdom for our readers?
Try to never wake up on the underside of the bed.
That’s, “the wrong side of the bed.”
I’ll say it is.
Needless to say…
It goes without saying.
You don’t say.
I think I just didn’t.
