“It’s the new current year, Terry baby, time to update your web presence to better than new and improved. For 20 and 24 we go super-newer and improvedest.”

“I dunno…”

“Of course you don’t, buddyboy, I haven’t filled you in yet. Here’s how I see your site: Url at the top, bigger than big, mega, man, mega. Your name in flashing lights. You seeing it?”

“Unfortunately yes.”

“Really grabs the eye, huh?”

“Sure does. How do I make it let go?”

“It doesn’t let go. That’s the big fat juicy idea of it, slick. It overwhelms the viewer like a ton of bricks. Knocks readers socks off and makes ’em sit up and beg for more with a vengence.”

“Uh, not very subtle, is it?”

“Save subtle for your obituary, boobala. This is the Internet, it’s neo-post-modern times. Flaunt it as if you had it.”

“But I don’t have it. Al least not like that. Kind of misleading my readers, isn’t it?”

“Maybe so, maybe not, maybe so sue me. All the same a blind man beating a dead horse around the bush could never tell the difference if it bit him on the ass. Like they say, you can fool all of the people some of the time, and fool some of the people all of the time, which is enough to make you a modern media superstar.”

“Sounds kinda dishonest to me.”

“Get real, boss, honesty is so last millenium. You won’t get anywhere on the Interwebs without deception or outright lying through the back of your neck. Over the top fake reality, bro; that’s what wins audiences, arguments, and elections nowadays.”

“Maybe, but it’s just not me.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing. You gotta face brass tacks, boobala, you as you ain’t exactly driving fannies in the seats. You need a bigger, better, newer, improveder you. It’ll be more you than you never were. Mega you, even giga you. More you than you ever could possibly be.”

“So the real me is not me?”

“Exactamundo, amigo. Fake it till you make it. Words to live behind.”

“Not very sincere, is it?”

“You want sincere? You can fake that, too. Nowadays everybody who’s anybody and nobodies who aren’t anybody fake sincerity whether they mean it or not.”

“Isn’t that like lying?”

“So what. People prefer big beautiful lies to the ugly truth. And the bigger the better, boss. Make your motto ‘Big Lies Make it.’ Full of pith and vinegar, that. ”

“Rather empty motto, I’d say.”

“Yeah, well post-human trans-modern life is chock full of empty. Like the man said, meaningless is the message. Woke up and feel the coffee, less is more than most.”

“I don’t know if my audience, as small as it may be, wants empty content.”

“Giving folks what they want is so dead hat. The trick nowadays is for them to want what they get. That’s marketing 101, two, three.”

“That may be, but couldn’t it be more tasteful?”

“I’m telling you, this has more taste than the reader can swallow. It has flavor for days and a lingering aftertaste readers’ll not soon forget, bromide.”

“I don’t know. I’ll have to think about it.”

“Sure, think it over, but don’t overthink it. Don’t let your fifteen minutes of immortality slip through your fingertips, buddyboy.”

“I dunno, I’m not sure I get it. I mean, why is your redo so dark?”

“Your site was too white, boobala. Get with the latest sensation sweeping the nation: what was white becomes black, mac. It’s very trendy.”

“So I’ve noticed – even on the radio. Still, what’s with the neon colors? Pretty garish if you ask me.”

“Garish, schmarish. Day-glo is the new black, baby.”

“Huh? That all makes no sense.”

“Fads, fashions and manias rarely do, big guy. But if you don’t jump with both feet on the newest new thing you’ll be left behind at numero zero No Way, Canceltown USA 404 not found.”

“As far as I’m concerned it all sounds like a load of self-aggrandizing, pointless drivel.”

“Yes, it’s the Internet. You finally got it, big guy.”

“I got it, all right. How do I get rid of it?”

“Au contraire, Mona Lisa, you want to use it or lose it. You have nothing to fear but fear of nothing. Embrace the cyberspace age of utter post-futurism.”

“I can’t. I don’t even know what post-futurism means.”

“Nobody does. That’s the beauty of these post-(fill-in-the-blank) terms; no matter what you fill in the blank it really is just blank. Like the man said, a rose by any other name smells. So grab the bullshit by the horns and let fly, dub-daddy-o.”

“I don’t have the energy to argue with you. I think I’ll stick with the old design.”

“If you don’t want to change I can’t stop you. But I won’t give up. I’ll run some neo-post-modern designs past you when you get your mojo back.”

“Thanks. If you see my mojo anywhere around, let me know. I miss the little guy.”