2020 July-December

Jingle Your Bells

’Tis the first day of winter. And also the first day of the rest of your life. And four shopping days until Christmas. Five until Boxing Day.

Filed 12/21/20

Who Put the X in Xmas?

What’s with Xmas? Where’d that come from? Was it semi-literate folks who could spell mas but not Christ? Is it a Christian cross that fell over? Was it slackers who were too lazy to spell out the whole thing? Or was it atheists who wanted a holiday without the holy?

None of the above. Here’s what it’s all about. The X in Xmas is not a Roman X, but a Greek X. See, the New Testament was written in Greek wherein the first letter of Christ is chi, X in the Greek alphabet. (top red box) So X is shorthand for Christ. When Xmas came about is unknown, but by the fifteenth century Xmas for Christmas was widely used. (gold box) Back in the day, X for Christ also gave you Xian for Christian as well as Xianity for Christianity. These latter two usages are not used much any more, if used at all.

Now for some bonus trivia. The first two letters of Christ in Greek are chi (X) and rho (p). These form the chi-rho monogram employed by the Christian Roman Emperor, Constantine, on his banner. (green box) Lastly we have Merry Christmas in Grecian. (purple box) Just don’t ask me to pronounce it. It’s Greek to me. Silly joke, but you had to figure it was coming.

Filed 12/15/20

Web Space, the Final Frontier

A doodle-toon of the heavens gone absurd —marking the end of the week and when reality as we knew it went off the rails.

Don’t think so?

Knock-knock.

Who’s there?

Banana, banana, banana, banana, banana.

Filed 12/11/20

True Tale Thursday: Overheard in the ER

An anecdote “borrowed” from Kay Nyland via Reader’s Digest

Filed 12/10/20

Humpday True Tale

An anecdote “borrowed” from Reader’s Digest, as told by Tracy Baxter:

My church choir was in the middle of rehearsing a requiem for an upcoming concert and, with the concert date fast approaching, our director was getting a little more picky about various elements of our performance. During one rehearsal he interrupted us to comment on the fact that we were breathing in the wrong spot.

“No, no, no!” he said. “There is to be no breathing after death.”

Filed 12/9/20

Monday Titter

Mouseover art for punch line

Source: Guy Walks Into a Bar
Filed 12/7/20

Dumb & Dummy

“Re-emerge”

Mouseover tabs for new toon panels

Filed 12/5/20

Friday Funnies

Mouseover art for punch line

Source: Guy Walks Into a Bar
Filed 12/4/20

Ballet L’Architecture

Here’s something than makes no sense to me, yet it happens all the time.

I had an appointment to get an MRI of the old cervical vertebrae the other day. The appointment was made for 4:30, or so they said. They telephoned to remind me the day before and told me to come fifteen minutes early to fill out needed paperwork. This come-early-to-fill-out-forms is the usual in medical circles. This raises the question, why don’t they just make the appointment for 4:15 in the first place? I mean, it’s not like the patient form filling out practice came as a last minute surprise to the medical staff, eh what? Why do they do it that way? It’s a mystery.

Just like the mystery of the opening cartoony-doodley-arty-thingy at the top of this entry. It doesn’t really go with the text, as such it makes no sense. But it’s my common practice to have a bit of art at the start of every entry and so… there it be. Don’t ask me to explain it. As somebody-or-other said, “Talking about art is like dancing about architecture.”

Filed 12/3/20

Top Ten Signs You Live in a Banana Republic

10. Fake news
9. Fake money
8. Fake religion
7. Fake science
6. Fake epidemics
5. Fake heroes
4. Fake causes
3. Fake victims
2. Fake elections
1. Fake bananas*

Welcome to the Banana States of America, mention the above top ten in public and be ostracized, fired, banned, deplatformed, and/or assaulted by mostly peaceful protesters.

*As in artificial, over-processed, things-that-never-were-but-are-now-considered “food”

Filed 12/2/20

December Snow Daze

Filed 12/1/20

Monday Funnies

Mouseover art for punch line

Source: Guy Walks Into a Bar
Filed 11/30/20

Happy Thanksgiving

Not that I’m totally unthankful, or ungrateful if that’s the better term. The opening doodle art is just a cynical joke. Largely true, but cynical. Anyway here’s my…

Top Ten Things I’m Thankful for This Thanksgiving

1. My brother Craig
2. By brother Jeff
3. My brother Brian
4. Gabapentin
5. The house didn’t burn down
6. The neighborhood didn’t burn down
7. Turkey
8. Sweet potatoes
9. Stuffing
10. Pumpkin pie

Yep, my brothers have been godsends in this most trying year for me. No personal details about that, just take my word for it. Next year will be better, I hope. And pray. Enjoy that turkey, y’all.

Filed 11/26/20

Thanksgive’en Gag

Mouseover art for punch line

Source: Guy Walks Into a Bar
Filed 11/25/20

Bull Moose Party Guy?

Mouse Utopia –Too Much of a Good Thing or Nothing Fails Like Success

Filed 11/24/20

Ten Days Later…

I get the stitches out of the pinky finger today. Good-oh. Though it’s still a bit sore, especially if I bang it or something. Still, it is progress.

Filed 11/23/20

Monday the Sixteenth But…

Seems Friday the thirteenth never ends! It’s Monday and the furnace went out. What’s next? A tree falls on the house? All I can say is, “#@ø%*&+!!!”

Filed 11/16/20

OOPS!

Turns out Friday the thirteenth was pretty unlucky for your unbending author/ cartoonist/doodler/blogger. (Or is that bending? I don’t know. I’ve never understood what that meant anyway.) The bad luck: I broke a glass tumbler. (I don’t know why a drinking cup without a handle is called a tumbler, either. The last thing you want is for the thing to tumble. Which is what the tumbler in question did. With unfortunate results.)

Now then, a broken glass is no big deal, you say. True enough. Unless you cut yourself on a sharp bit of it, which I did with the pinkie finger of my left hand. After some profuse bleeding and a trip to emergency, I now sport three stitches on same. What can I say but ,“Ouch!”? Though that’s not what I said at the time, believe me. In cartoonese that would be “#@ø%*&+!!!”

Filed 11/14/20

Red Alert

Filed 11/13/20

Lonesome George Wednesday

Filed 11/11/20

And Now…

Another anecdote from Reader’s Digest

Losing my father was bad enough. So imagine my surprise when I spotted my name in the obituaries instead of his. I had to phone a friend.

“Did you see the report of my death in the paper?” I asked. His reply…

Filed 11/10/20

A Joke Plus

Mouseover art for punch line and add-on gag

Source: Man Walks into a Bar
Filed 11/9/20

Saturday and All Is… Well…

Another doodle as content. Because… uh… I dunno, just because. Pardon the tautology. It is what it is and that’s that.

Filed 11/7/20

Friday Funday

“Today I am a man.”

One I did years ago and never sold (sigh) which I now add to:

Gag Cartoon Gallery

Thursday Fun

Source: Man Walks into a Bar
Filed 11/5/20

Some Doodle Thingies Talking

If you speak doodle this will be pretty darn funny to you. If you don’t talk doodle-talk, it will still be funny, only funny strange not funny ha-ha. Some day I may explain all the doodles and whatnot, but not just yet.

Filed 11/4/20

Couple of Guys Walking and Talking

Mouseover tabs for new toon panels

Filed 11/2/20

Happy Hallowe’en’en

Funny thing about Hallowe’en (All Hallows’ Eve) most folks celebrate the eve of the holiday, but not the actual holiday. You know, All Saints’ Day. Seems the apostrophe in Hallowe’en got lost along the way, too. As in Halloween.

Anyway, I suppose people just like to dress up in scary/funny getups and wear masks, which isn’t done on All Saints’ Day that I know of. Though the mask wearing part we get to do every day now. By the way, November first is the start of Allhallowtide, in case you didn’t know.

Filed 10/30/20

A Couple Days Later

Mouseover art for another gag line

It’s another twofer. As in see below.

Filed 10/29/20

Twofer Tuesday

Mouseover art for another gag line

It’s two, two, two jokes in one.

Filed 10/27/20

Monday Fun

An amusing anecdote from Reader’s Digest:

Believe it or not, I received a check from Medicare for all of one cent. Why, I don’t know, but concerned that some arcane regulation –complete with penalty– would apply for not cashing it, I took it to the bank. The teller looked at the amount, checked the endorsement, and then asked, “How would you like this, heads or tails?”

Filed 10/26/20

Ah-h-h-h

More Night Visitors

An animated doodle thingy. Hey, it’s the weekend and we all need a break. See you in the morning.

Filed 10/24/20

Friday Is Funday, Too

Mouseover art for the punch line

Source: Man Walks into a Bar
Filed 10/23/20

Watzit?

Night Visitors

Is it supposed to be some kind of art, a study, a colorized doodle, a twilight zone cartoon, or what? Frankly, I don’t know myself. It is a change of pace, something different. And entirely original, not an old joke from a new book. For what that’s worth. But it is animated. Sort of. Nothing moves, the colors change. Waste of time? Maybe. Isn’t that kinda what you came here for?

Filed 10/22/20

A Joke, Gag, or Cartoon

Filed 10/21/20

Tuesday Nyuck Nyuck

Filed 10/20/20

Monday Is Funday

Mouseover art for the punch line

Source: Man Walks into a Bar
Filed 10/19/20

Tuesday Words of Wisdom, Sage Advice, or Whatever

Mouseover art for the punch line

Filed 10/13/20

Columbus Day Action Funnies

Everyone driving slower than you is a moron. Everyone driving faster than you is a maniac.

Source: Man Walks Into a Bar
Filed 10/12/20

Fun with Fractured Phrases

Mouseover tabs for new toon panels

A meeting like any other meeting, only more so. A boss like any other boss, only so more.

Adapted from: Man Walks Into a Bar
Filed 9/30/20

Tuesday Bit

Which should have run yesterday, being Monday and all.

Filed 9/29/20

Friday Fun

Because it just wouldn’t be Friday without yesterday being Thursday.

Adapted from: Man Walks Into a Bar
Filed 9/25/20

Thursday Yuck

Wow, sorta like my doctor.

Source: Man Walks Into a Bar
Filed 9/24/20

“The Father of Traffic Safety”

And now, your Tuesday trivia. William Eno invented the stop sign, speed limit, traffic circle, and one-way street. Yet, surprisingly enough, never learned to drive.

Source: Reader’s Digest
Filed 9/22/20

Monday Action Funnies

Source: Man Walks Into a Bar
Filed 9/21/20

Saturday Fun

Source: Man Walks Into a Bar
Filed 9/19/20

The Client Is Always Right… Not

A composite cartoon client making actual requests made by actual clients, as per clientsfromhell.net

Mouseover tabs for new toon panels

Filed 9/18/20

Thursday Interactive for No Good Reason Gag

Mouseover art for the punch line

Source: Man Walks into a Bar (big surprise)
Filed 9/17/20

Animated Gag Wednesday

Filed 9/16/20

Tuesday Quirky Quote

Then again, he said it before there was the Internet, and so… you know.

Filed 9/15/20

Monday Fun

Filed 9/14/20

Weekender Ho Ho

Mouseover art for the punch line

Source: Man Walks into a Bar
Filed 9/12/20

End the Week with a Ha Ha

Mouseover art for the punch line

Source: Reader’s Digest
Filed 9/11/20

Why Did Yankee Doodle Call a Feather Macaroni?

In the 1760s, macaroni was slang for the stylish young men who hung out at the fashionable Macaroni Club, named after a then popular new food from Italy. When Yankee Doodle stuck a feather in his cap and called it macaroni, as the song goes, he was identifying himself as one of the In Crowd—basically a 1760s hipster. Goes to show, what’s hep hip groovy cool never lasts. Though somehow that silly lyric endures.

Source: Reader’s Digest
Filed 9/10/20

Wednesday Words of Wisdom or What

Mouseover art for gag alternative

Filed 9/9/20

It’s Labor Day, Take the Day Off

It’s like a lazy summer Sunday on Monday. Which is why this post might seem familiar. It’s just like yesterday, but with more exciting art. OK, different art at any rate.

Filed 9/7/20

It’s Sunday, Take the Day Off

In fact, take two days because tomorrow is Labor Day. Not that it makes much difference if you’re retired (like me) or the Gov locked you out of your job (like my neighbors). Still, you get to stay home and barbecue or whatever. And, there’s always the future to come. Whether that’s a promise or threat is yet to be determined.

Filed 9/6/20

Saturday Japery

Filed 9/5/20

2 4 1 Monday

I just can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

Two guys stole a calendar. They got six months each.

Source: Reader’s Digest
Filed 8/31/20

Said What?

Unlike some people I recall working with, underpaid and not worth it.

Filed 8/30/20

New Old Joke

Source: Man Walks Into a Bar
Filed 8/29/20

Somebodyorother Said It

Filed 8/28/20

Dumb & Dummy

“The Liarists”

Mouseover tabs for new toon panels

Filed 8/27/20

Fun Fakts and Trivel

Source: Man Walks Into a Bar
Filed 8/26/20

Somebody Said It

Filed 8/25/20

Monday Words of Wisdom, Sage Advice, or Whatever

Mouseover art for the second punch line

Filed 8/24/20

They Said It

Filed 8/22/20

Gags Illustrated

Source: Caleb Zellers
Filed 8/21/20

Thursday Chuckle

Source: Man Walks Into a Bar
Filed 8/20/20

Guy Walks into a Bar…

Mouseover art for the punch line

Filed 8/19/20

Monday Funday

Filed 8/17/20

Doodle to Art

Here’s a doodle I absent-mindedly noodled out and it amused me so much I thought I’d make it an illustration. I could have redone it in my usual style, but I rather liked the cruder doodle look. Plus that was less work, just slap on a bit of color and, presto: art! There is no actual purpose or story to it, except maybe to show the old “Kilroy was here” bit has never lost its subliminal grip me.

The takeaway? I suppose you might say it only goes to show it doesn’t take much to amuse me. And that I’m pretty loose with what I deem art.

Filed 8/16/20

Friday Fun Spot

Source: Man Walks Into a Bar
Filed 8/14/20

Before I Forget…

Filed 8/13/20

Tuesday Is Toon Day, Too

Source: Man Walks Into a Bar
Filed 8/11/20

Another Monday, Another Joke Illustrated

Source: Man Walks Into a Bar
Filed 8/10/20

Sunday Funnies Redone

These jokes may all seem familiar, because they are. I redid the gags in a new “Answerman” format. Mainly because I didn’t want to keep using the same two fat guys, Qube and Abe, to tell the jokes. This way it’s new people asking the questions. Which won’t make if funnier, just differenter, so to speak.

Source: Man Walks Into a Bar
Refiled 8/9/20

Saturday’s Jokes Illustrated

Source: Man Walks Into a Bar
Filed 8/6/20

Thursday Funnies Quote- Joke -Unquote

Source: Man Walks Into a Bar
Filed 8/6/20

Wodin Day Wa-Ha-Ha

Mouseover art for the punch line

Source: Wherever old jokes come from
Filed 8/5/20

Monday Mirth

Mouseover art for the punch line

Source: Reader’s Digest
Filed 8/3/20

Sunday Action Funnies

Just like the Sunday Funnies in the newspaper, only animated. Wowie-zowie! Or maybe hardy-har-har? I imagine to anyone under the age of sixty-something an animated Sunday Funny is ho-hum. What’s more, I wonder if anyone under twenty even gets a newspaper (a thing printed on paper sold out of a box or delivered to your door) with the in-full-color Sunday Funnies.

Filed 8/2/20

More Words of Wisdom, Sage Advice, or Whatever It Is

Mouseover art for the punch line

Most people, not being students of Chinese history, which goes back before the ancients, believe it or not, don’t realize Confucius was the very first known stand-up philosopher. And look, his material still holds up, eh?

Filed 7/31/20

Thursday Funnies Quote- Joke -Unquote

Filed 7/30/20

Mouseover the tabs to “hear the diaolog.”

Filed 7/28/20

And Now, Words of Wisdom, of Sorts

I bring you ancient Chinese pearls of wisdom presented in the good old-fashioned “Confucius Say” joke form. Which are a lot like fortune cookie gags, oneliners presented in sage advice form, sometimes wise, sometimes wise-ass. It’s a classic form, like knock-knock jokes, what-do-you-get-when-you-cross gags, and a-man-walks-into-a-bar bits. Anyway, in this old-timey form, Confucius talks like a fortune cookie or Charlie Chan from movies of the thirties. You know, slightly fractured English. That’s the tradition, and I am not one to buck tradition. Without further ado, here goes nothing…

Mouseover art for the punch line

Filed 7/27/20

It’s Saturn Day!

Saturday –The Day of Saturn, only without the n. I give you two stories of how we got this one and only Roman day name.

Tale Number One: The Romans named Saturday Sāturni diēs no later than the 2nd century for the planet Saturn, which controlled the first hour of that day, according to Vettius Valens. Just how a planet controlled an hour and what it could do with it is a mystery to me. So in this version, the day was named for the planet, in turn named for the god. Saturn (Saturnus) was a Roman god based on the Greek mythology of Cronus, who was a titan and not a god. Often depicted wielding a scythe Saturn, not Cronus, was considered an agricultural god, especially associated with seed-corn.

Tale Number Two: In the Roman calendar, Saturday was called Dies Saturni in honour of the god Saturn. He was the father of Jupiter, who finally overthrew him. He then made his way to the earth, and reigned over a kingdom in Italy called Latium. I wonder if at that point he wished he had eaten his offspring, that upstart Jupiter especially, a thing they say the titans used to do in the good old days.

How this former big cheese reduced to Italian farmer god got a day and a planet named for him, well, let’s just say it’s mystery number two. Mystery number three, who was this Vettius Valens? Any relation to Rickie Valens? A distant cousin 300 times removed or something? At any rate Saturday is the last day of the week and so starts the weekend. The end of the weekend is the start of the next week, Sunday. Sunday has a simpler origin story, but we don’t care cause it’s Saturday. All day. And that’s that.

Filed 7/25/20

Yet One More Mouseover Gimmick Comic

Mouseover art for the punch line

Filed 7/23/20

Now for Something Different

Abysmal wind-up toys for unfortunate children number one:

Be the first one on the block to take a head for a walk around the block. No leash required. No body needed. Fun for everyone. Sort of. At any rate this is my contribution to the global Internet culture for the day. How modern and lucky for you, eh? It’s just what I do. Bringing delight to billions world wide.

Filed 7/22/20

Yet Another Mouseover Gimmick Comic

Mouseover art for the punch line

Filed 7/21/20

Another Mouseover Gimmick Comic

Mouseover art for the punch lines

Filed 7/19/20

Getting There Is Half the Funny

Filed 7/17/20

Teachers Share Some Real Questions from Real Students

Or real dumb questions from real dumb students. From Reader’s Digest.

Mouseover the tabs to “hear the diaolog.”

Filed 7/14/20

Quote- Joke -Unquote

As the customer gets to the general store, he notices a sign on the door: DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! He carefully enters the store, but once inside all he sees is a fat old hound asleep on the floor. “Is that the dog people are supposed to beware of?” he asks the man behind the counter.

“Yep, that’s him,” the store owner says.

“He doesn’t look all that dangerous to me. Why would you post that sign?”

“Because,” the owner replies, “before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him.”

Source: petcentral.chewy.com

Filed 7/10/20

Trivia Time

Still, what exactly is the flavor of bubble gum? Mystery fruit? Pink? Blibber?

Filed 7/9/20

Hm-m-m…

Filed 7/8/20

New from the Ministry of “Quotations”

Filed 7/6/20

And Then…

Filed 7/4/20

It’s 2020 Part Seven of Twelve (July, in other words)

Half a year down, half to go. And down is just what the first six months of 2020 were, what with the panicdemic and all, it certainly was a downer. Maybe this second part will be an improvement. We’ll start with July and see where it takes us. Then again, maybe I’ll just sleep it off sheltered at home like a good Eloi.

Filed 7/2/20