“Geez, has it been two thousand and twenty years already?”
“Geez, has it been two thousand and twenty years already?”
2020 July-September
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A meeting like any other meeting, only more so. A boss like any other boss, only so more.
Adapted from: Man Walks Into a Bar
Filed 9/30/20
Which should have run yesterday, being Monday and all.
Filed 9/29/20
Because it just wouldn’t be Friday without yesterday being Thursday.
Adapted from: Man Walks Into a Bar
Filed 9/25/20
Wow, sorta like my doctor.
Source: Man Walks Into a Bar
Filed 9/24/20
And now, your Tuesday trivia. William Eno invented the stop sign, speed limit, traffic circle, and one-way street. Yet, surprisingly enough, never learned to drive.
Source: Reader’s Digest
Filed 9/22/20
Source: Man Walks Into a Bar
Filed 9/21/20
Source: Man Walks Into a Bar
Filed 9/19/20
A composite cartoon client making actual requests made by actual clients, as per clientsfromhell.net
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Filed 9/18/20
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Source: Man Walks into a Bar (big surprise)
Filed 9/17/20
Filed 9/16/20
Then again, he said it before there was the Internet, and so… you know.
Filed 9/15/20
Filed 9/14/20
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Source: Man Walks into a Bar
Filed 9/12/20
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Source: Reader’s Digest
Filed 9/11/20
In the 1760s, macaroni was slang for the stylish young men who hung out at the fashionable Macaroni Club, named after a then popular new food from Italy. When Yankee Doodle stuck a feather in his cap and called it macaroni, as the song goes, he was identifying himself as one of the In Crowd—basically a 1760s hipster. Goes to show, what’s hep hip groovy cool never lasts. Though somehow that silly lyric endures.
Source: Reader’s Digest
Filed 9/10/20
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Filed 9/9/20
It’s like a lazy summer Sunday on Monday. Which is why this post might seem familiar. It’s just like yesterday, but with more exciting art. OK, different art at any rate.
Filed 9/7/20
In fact, take two days because tomorrow is Labor Day. Not that it makes much difference if you’re retired (like me) or the Gov locked you out of your job (like my neighbors). Still, you get to stay home and barbecue or whatever. And, there’s always the future to come. Whether that’s a promise or threat is yet to be determined.
Filed 9/6/20
Filed 9/5/20
I just can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
Two guys stole a calendar. They got six months each.
Source: Reader’s Digest
Filed 8/31/20
Unlike some people I recall working with, underpaid and not worth it.
Filed 8/30/20
Source: Man Walks Into a Bar
Filed 8/29/20
Filed 8/28/20
“The Liarists”
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Filed 8/27/20
Source: Man Walks Into a Bar
Filed 8/26/20
Filed 8/25/20
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Filed 8/24/20
Filed 8/22/20
Source: Caleb Zellers
Filed 8/21/20
Source: Man Walks Into a Bar
Filed 8/20/20
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Filed 8/19/20
Filed 8/17/20
Here’s a doodle I absent-mindedly noodled out and it amused me so much I thought I’d make it an illustration. I could have redone it in my usual style, but I rather liked the cruder doodle look. Plus that was less work, just slap on a bit of color and, presto: art! There is no actual purpose or story to it, except maybe to show the old “Kilroy was here” bit has never lost its subliminal grip me.
The takeaway? I suppose you might say it only goes to show it doesn’t take much to amuse me. And that I’m pretty loose with what I deem art.
Filed 8/16/20
Source: Man Walks Into a Bar
Filed 8/14/20
Filed 8/13/20
Source: Man Walks Into a Bar
Filed 8/11/20
Source: Man Walks Into a Bar
Filed 8/10/20
These jokes may all seem familiar, because they are. I redid the gags in a new “Answerman” format. Mainly because I didn’t want to keep using the same two fat guys, Qube and Abe, to tell the jokes. This way it’s new people asking the questions. Which won’t make if funnier, just differenter, so to speak.
Source: Man Walks Into a Bar
Refiled 8/9/20
Source: Man Walks Into a Bar
Filed 8/6/20
Source: Man Walks Into a Bar
Filed 8/6/20
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Source: Wherever old jokes come from
Filed 8/5/20
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Source: Reader’s Digest
Filed 8/3/20
Just like the Sunday Funnies in the newspaper, only animated. Wowie-zowie! Or maybe hardy-har-har? I imagine to anyone under the age of sixty-something an animated Sunday Funny is ho-hum. What’s more, I wonder if anyone under twenty even gets a newspaper (a thing printed on paper sold out of a box or delivered to your door) with the in-full-color Sunday Funnies.
Filed 8/2/20
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Most people, not being students of Chinese history, which goes back before the ancients, believe it or not, don’t realize Confucius was the very first known stand-up philosopher. And look, his material still holds up, eh?
Filed 7/31/20
Filed 7/30/20
Mouseover the tabs to “hear the diaolog.”
Filed 7/28/20
I bring you ancient Chinese pearls of wisdom presented in the good old-fashioned “Confucius Say” joke form. Which are a lot like fortune cookie gags, oneliners presented in sage advice form, sometimes wise, sometimes wise-ass. It’s a classic form, like knock-knock jokes, what-do-you-get-when-you-cross gags, and a-man-walks-into-a-bar bits. Anyway, in this old-timey form, Confucius talks like a fortune cookie or Charlie Chan from movies of the thirties. You know, slightly fractured English. That’s the tradition, and I am not one to buck tradition. Without further ado, here goes nothing…
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Filed 7/27/20
Saturday –The Day of Saturn, only without the n. I give you two stories of how we got this one and only Roman day name.
Tale Number One: The Romans named Saturday Sāturni diēs no later than the 2nd century for the planet Saturn, which controlled the first hour of that day, according to Vettius Valens. Just how a planet controlled an hour and what it could do with it is a mystery to me. So in this version, the day was named for the planet, in turn named for the god. Saturn (Saturnus) was a Roman god based on the Greek mythology of Cronus, who was a titan and not a god. Often depicted wielding a scythe Saturn, not Cronus, was considered an agricultural god, especially associated with seed-corn.
Tale Number Two: In the Roman calendar, Saturday was called Dies Saturni in honour of the god Saturn. He was the father of Jupiter, who finally overthrew him. He then made his way to the earth, and reigned over a kingdom in Italy called Latium. I wonder if at that point he wished he had eaten his offspring, that upstart Jupiter especially, a thing they say the titans used to do in the good old days.
How this former big cheese reduced to Italian farmer god got a day and a planet named for him, well, let’s just say it’s mystery number two. Mystery number three, who was this Vettius Valens? Any relation to Rickie Valens? A distant cousin 300 times removed or something? At any rate Saturday is the last day of the week and so starts the weekend. The end of the weekend is the start of the next week, Sunday. Sunday has a simpler origin story, but we don’t care cause it’s Saturday. All day. And that’s that.
Filed 7/25/20
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Filed 7/23/20
Abysmal wind-up toys for unfortunate children number one:
Be the first one on the block to take a head for a walk around the block. No leash required. No body needed. Fun for everyone. Sort of. At any rate this is my contribution to the global Internet culture for the day. How modern and lucky for you, eh? It’s just what I do. Bringing delight to billions world wide.
Filed 7/22/20
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Filed 7/21/20
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Filed 7/19/20
Filed 7/17/20
Or real dumb questions from real dumb students. From Reader’s Digest.
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Filed 7/14/20
As the customer gets to the general store, he notices a sign on the door: DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! He carefully enters the store, but once inside all he sees is a fat old hound asleep on the floor. “Is that the dog people are supposed to beware of?” he asks the man behind the counter.
“Yep, that’s him,” the store owner says.
“He doesn’t look all that dangerous to me. Why would you post that sign?”
“Because,” the owner replies, “before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him.”
Source: petcentral.chewy.com
Filed 7/10/20
Still, what exactly is the flavor of bubble gum? Mystery fruit? Pink? Blibber?
Filed 7/9/20
Filed 7/8/20
Filed 7/6/20
Filed 7/4/20
Half a year down, half to go. And down is just what the first six months of 2020 were, what with the panicdemic and all, it certainly was a downer. Maybe this second part will be an improvement. We’ll start with July and see where it takes us. Then again, maybe I’ll just sleep it off sheltered at home like a good Eloi.
Filed 7/2/20
