Quotes & Sayings
7/8/10 A Pig Walks Into a Bar...
Do these old expressions make sense?
Make a beeline.
Sweat like a pig.
Lie like a dog
A beeline is supposed to be straight and fast. Have you ever watched bees? They don't go all that straight and fast as far as I've observed. More like a zig-zag meander. Though if you them upset them and they swarm maybe it's a different story. In which case you make a beeline out of there lickety-split.
Next, pigs don't sweat. Or so they say. That's why they wallow in the mud, to cool off. To be honest, I don't know what animals sweat like people. Dogs pant and horses lather. Is that sweat? I dunno. I also don't know the difference between a pig a hog and a boar. Though I guess none of them sweat.
In my experience, outside of tall tales and jokes dogs don't talk. So how could they lie? Besides, dogs don't have a reputation for dishonesty. A dog is man's best friend, right? That's why we name some Fido. That's from the Latin fidelis, "faithful". All the same, I'll conclude this entry with a talking dog joke.
A guy sees a sign in front of a house, "Talking Dog For Sale". He rings the bell, and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes around the house and into the backyard and sees a chihuahua sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yep," the dog replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The chihuahua looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young, and I wanted to help fight crime. I contacted the FBI, and in no time at all, they had me jetting around the country, sitting in rooms with Mobsters and assorted criminal types, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable assests for eight years running. But the travel really tired me out, and I wanted to settle down. I was transferred to the shipping docks to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered a number of smuggling rings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
"Ten dollars," replies the owner.
The guy says, "This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"
"Because he's a liar. He didn't do any of that stuff."
6/3/10 Sorry, I Misquoted Myself
Folks who speak a good deal in public are bound to make the occasional gaff. Politicians are no exception to the outspoken sometimes tying their tongues and logic in knots. Still, you have to wonder about the thinking behind the following statements:
"Things are more like they are now than they have ever been." —Gerald Ford
"The streets are safe in Philadelphia — it's only the people who make them unsafe." —Frank Rizzo, mayor of Philadelphia.
"There are two kinds of truth. There are real truths, and there are made up truths." —Marion Barry, mayor of Washington
"We've got to act wisely and otherwisely." —Allan Lampart, mayor of Toronto
One imagines mayor Rizzo could make the streets of every city safe, just keep people indoors. But then things wouldn't be more like they are now than they have ever been otherwisely. A truly made up truth if ever there were one. Still, even if what I'm saying doesn't make sense, I can always use one politician's out:
"I stand by my misstatements." —Dan Quayle
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