“Geez, has it been two thousand and twenty years already?”
“Geez, has it been two thousand and twenty years already?”
Current
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Source: Wherever old jokes come from
Filed 8/5/20
Oops. The doodles have come alive, got loose, and are wandering unfettered all over the site! They even look alarmingly germ-like, what? Will the doodle bugs infect the entire site? Will the digital doodle plague spread across the entire Interwebs making digital life even more unfit for human consumption? The mind boggles at the possibilities. Better dip your computer/ device/thingy in an antidoodleseptic solution. Available soon at the Terry Colon Store.
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Source: Reader’s Digest
Filed 8/3/20
Just like the Sunday Funnies in the newspaper, only animated. Wowie-zowie! Or maybe hardy-har-har? I imagine to anyone under the age of sixty-something an animated Sunday Funny is ho-hum. What’s more, I wonder if anyone under twenty even gets a newspaper (a thing printed on paper sold out of a box or delivered to your door) with the in-full-color Sunday Funnies.
Filed 8/2/20
Oh no! The doodles have taken over the blog! And the pics are getting stranger. What the heck is that anyway? A talking fish? Has the blog hit a dead end? Or is this only the beginning of something else altogether sinister?
OK, probably not sinister, but something probably silly. Doesn’t matter, it’s only a blog on only the Internet. And the rump end of the Internet at that.
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Most people, not being students of Chinese history, which goes back before the ancients, believe it or not, don’t realize Confucius was the very first known stand-up philosopher. And look, his material still holds up, eh?
Filed 7/31/20
Oh-oh, the doodles have spread to the other side of the page! How did that happen? What the heck’s happening to the site? Is it a sinister plot or just plain silly? Stay tuned, the investigation goes on behind the scenes.
Filed 7/30/20
”Yeegads, there’s another one!“ in the imortal words of Mortimer Brewster. I admit finding a doodle in the margins of a blog is not the same as discovering a dead body in the window seat, but it’s still a bit of a surprise. I’ll get to the bottom of this someday. Until then, ignore, or enjoy if that’s your bent, the doodles.
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Filed 7/29/20
Hey now! Who’s been doodling in my margins? Have I been hacked by subversive scribblers? Or, more likely, is that my handiwork done absentmindedly ’cause I just have too much idle time on my hands? Just filling in the hours and the blank spaces, as it were? Even so, somebody’s gonna be in deep doodoo for this, even if somebody’s me.
Mouseover the tabs to “hear the diaolog.”
Filed 7/28/20
I bring you ancient Chinese pearls of wisdom presented in the good old-fashioned “Confucius Say” joke form. Which are a lot like fortune cookie gags, oneliners presented in sage advice form, sometimes wise, sometimes wise-ass. It’s a classic form, like knock-knock jokes, what-do-you-get-when-you-cross gags, and a-man-walks-into-a-bar bits. Anyway, in this old-timey form, Confucius talks like a fortune cookie or Charlie Chan from movies of the thirties. You know, slightly fractured English. That’s the tradition, and I am not one to buck tradition. Without further ado, here goes nothing…
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Filed 7/27/20
Saturday –The Day of Saturn, only without the n. I give you two stories of how we got this one and only Roman day name.
Tale Number One: The Romans named Saturday Sāturni diēs no later than the 2nd century for the planet Saturn, which controlled the first hour of that day, according to Vettius Valens. Just how a planet controlled an hour and what it could do with it is a mystery to me. So in this version, the day was named for the planet, in turn named for the god. Saturn (Saturnus) was a Roman god based on the Greek mythology of Cronus, who was a titan and not a god. Often depicted wielding a scythe Saturn, not Cronus, was considered an agricultural god, especially associated with seed-corn.
Tale Number Two: In the Roman calendar, Saturday was called Dies Saturni in honour of the god Saturn. He was the father of Jupiter, who finally overthrew him. He then made his way to the earth, and reigned over a kingdom in Italy called Latium. I wonder if at that point he wished he had eaten his offspring, that upstart Jupiter especially, a thing they say the titans used to do in the good old days.
How this former big cheese reduced to Italian farmer god got a day and a planet named for him, well, let’s just say it’s mystery number two. Mystery number three, who was this Vettius Valens? Any relation to Rickie Valens? A distant cousin 300 times removed or something? At any rate Saturday is the last day of the week and so starts the weekend. The end of the weekend is the start of the next week, Sunday. Sunday has a simpler origin story, but we don’t care cause it’s Saturday. All day. And that’s that.
Filed 7/25/20
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Filed 7/23/20
Abysmal wind-up toys for unfortunate children number one:
Be the first one on the block to take a head for a walk around the block. No leash required. No body needed. Fun for everyone. Sort of. At any rate this is my contribution to the global Internet culture for the day. How modern and lucky for you, eh? It’s just what I do. Bringing delight to billions world wide.
Filed 7/22/20
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Filed 7/21/20
Filed 7/20/20
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Filed 7/19/20
Filed 7/17/20
Or real dumb questions from real dumb students. From Reader’s Digest.
Mouseover the tabs to “hear the diaolog.”
Filed 7/14/20
Originally a Sunday Funnies Animated, now a blog bit until the end of time. Or until I get banned for not toeing the party line.
Filed 7/13/20
As the customer gets to the general store, he notices a sign on the door: DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! He carefully enters the store, but once inside all he sees is a fat old hound asleep on the floor. “Is that the dog people are supposed to beware of?” he asks the man behind the counter.
“Yep, that’s him,” the store owner says.
“He doesn’t look all that dangerous to me. Why would you post that sign?”
“Because,” the owner replies, “before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him.”
Source: petcentral.chewy.com
Filed 7/10/20
Still, what exactly is the flavor of bubble gum? Mystery fruit? Pink? Blibber?
Filed 7/9/20
Filed 7/8/20
Or grandkiddies. Or the inner kid in you. Whatever, it’s just a silly gag riddle.
Filed 7/7/20
Filed 7/6/20
Filed 7/4/20
First of many or one off? We’ll see.
Filed 7/3/20
Half a year down, half to go. And down is just what the first six months of 2020 were, what with the panicdemic and all, it certainly was a downer. Maybe this second part will be an improvement. We’ll start with July and see where it takes us. Then again, maybe I’ll just sleep it off sheltered at home like a good Eloi.
Filed 7/2/20
