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“Visitors and fish stink after three days. Never invite fish for a three-day weekend.”

Current

And Now for Something Completely Similar

1999

Official Terry Jigsaw Puzzle number seven. The smoking best spots of 1999 fished up from the bottom of the Suck.com barrel. To see the page full size you’ll have to go put the puzzle together at the link below:

Official Terry Colon jigsaw puzzles at TheJigsawPuzzles.com

Filed 9/12/19

Jigsaw Puzzle Numero Sixo

1998

Today’s episode, a collection of the best Suck.com spots of 1998 dredged up from the digital archives. To see the page full size you’ll have to go put the puzzle together at the link below:

Official Terry Colon jigsaw puzzles at TheJigsawPuzzles.com

Filed 9/10/19

Yeegads, There’s Another One!

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Official Terry jigsaw puzzle number five added to my jigsaw puzzle page. (Link below) This time, a collection of cars a buses. Special bonus points to anyone who knows where I got the headline. This is a meaningless spacer sentence to give the reader time to wonder, “Where have I heard ‘Yeegads, There’s Another One!’ before?” Here’s a little bonus spacer for those who need a little more time. The answer, it’s from the play/movie Arsenic and Old Lace. That’s my frivia for the day. The real entertainment is the puzzle. Go there…

Official Terry Colon jigsaw puzzles at TheJigsawPuzzles.com

Filed 9/9/19

Friday Funnies

DB20

Filed under A Dog’s Breakfast 9/6/19

And Then There Were Four

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It’s day four of the jigsawlapalooza. Meaning another link to another jigsaw puzzle of another old bit of art. This one adapted from a Cracked piece about proto humans that fell out of the family tree. I call this version “Humans Past Without a Future.” You can read the gag verbiage at the Cracked link under “History’s Least Successful Proto Humans.” If you just want to do the jigsaw puzzle here’s a handy link…

Official Terry Colon jigsaw puzzles at TheJigsawPuzzles.com

Filed 9/5/19

Official Terry Colon Online Jigsaw Puzzle Number Three

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Now there’s three times the puzzles. Three times the fun. Three times the charm. Because three is more than one or two. And the more the merrier and some other apt cliché I can’t think of at the moment. Today’s addition: A panorama of unheard of unseen beings. OK, a rehash of an old bit, but half the fun is building the puzzle. See for yourself…

Official Terry Colon jigsaw puzzles at TheJigsawPuzzles.com

Filed 9/4/19

And Now, the Second Official Terry Colon Online Jigsaw Puzzle

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Today’s new bit of blog, a link to another jigsaw puzzle. This one an old illo from Automobile magazine slightly jiggied for jigsaw purposes. It’s NASCAR drivers using their team sponsor’s products. As they race. It’s a gag.

Tune in tomorrow for another new/old puzzle. You know me, once I find some new gimmick for the site I run with it until exhausted. Though if you noticed I’m easily winded. Think the picture galleries page. When’s the last time I added a soon-to-be-added addition? How many puzzles will there ultimately be? Who knows. The only thing certain is there will only be 30 at any one time. That’s all TheJigsawPuzzles.com allows.

Official Terry Colon jigsaw puzzles at TheJigsawPuzzles.com

I also added a permanent link in the pop-out menu under “Fun & Games” as well as one of those animated widget link gizmos that appear near the top of the home page.

Filed 9/3/19

Announcing the Very First Official Terry Colon Online Jigsaw Puzzle

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If you’ve ever dreamed of doing a free online Terry Colon jigsaw puzzle, well, it’s a dream come true. If, on the other hand, you never had that dream, which is more likely, it’s a surprise come true! If that’s a thing. Whatever the case, click the link and go to my personal puzzle page at TheJigsawPuzzles.com for the very first official Terry Colon jigsaw puzzle. Which is an adaptation of some old Reason magazine cover art from some years ago. (It’s a surprise. You’ll have to go to see what it is.)

I plan do do more puzzles soon, some old stuff and some new, but this is a start. At any rate, at least it’s not another rebus or word definition quiz. Enjoy:

Official Terry Colon puzzle at TheJigsawPuzzles.com

Filed 9/2/19

Your Thursday Ha

bureaucratium

A slightly modified oldie gleaned from someone, somewhere, sometime I don’t know who, where, or when and so can’t give credit where credit is due, sorry. Still, it’s pretty funny so I tossed it in because I needed a blog update and I can’t do anything better on my own.

Bureaucratium – heaviest element yet known to science

Bureaucratium (Bu), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Bureaucratium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Bureaucratium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from two weekss to five years to complete.

Bureaucratium does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. Unlike working atoms, Bureaucratium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of morons promotion leads some scientists to believe that Bureaucratium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

Filed 8/15/19

Nyah Nyah, Nyah-Nyah Nyah

nyah

Name-Calling Names We Called in the 60s

  1. Fink
  2. Nimrod
  3. Pismire
  4. Peon
  5. Tool

The “We” being me and my friends. These all seem pretty mild today, hardly insults at all. But speech was less crass back in the day, heck they didn’t even curse in the movies. Besides, we were kids back then and real swearing got you in trouble. How insulting and mean were these invectives? Good question. I don’t remember what we meant by any of them specifically, or even generally, the words just somehow sounded insulting in and of themselves. Looking back, these are what I think we thought they meant:

  1. Fink – General all around rotter we would unfriend if that was a thing back then
  2. Nimrod – Big dummy
  3. Peon – Little dummy
  4. Pismire – Lowlife scum
  5. Tool – Idiot-oaf-boob and all around screw-up

None of these are made up words, just the meanings are not according to Webster. Leastways, not preferred by Webster. These would be:

  1. Fink – Informer
  2. Nimrod – Mighty hunter, Noah’s grandson
  3. Pismire – An ant
  4. Peon – Mexican peasant, Latin American unskilled laborer
  5. Tool – Besides the usual work implement meaning (you know, hammer, saw, pliers) it’s a dupe, a stooge, useful fool

Another thing we said to insult was, “Get bent.” What did that mean exactly? Who knows? But whatever we intended that person to do or to have happen to them, it sounded painful.

Filed 8/12/19

Friday Funnies

Like the Sunday funnies only not on Sunday, not in color, not on newsprint, and there’s no repeating characters. So, not much like the Sunday funnies at all.

noah-ufo

Filed under Gag Cartoon Gallery 6/27/19

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson Go Camping…

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A few hours after hitting the hay, Holmes wakes up and nudges his companion. “Watson, look up and tell me what you see.”

“I see thousands of stars in the sky.” Watson replies.

“And what do you deduce from that?”

“Hm-m. Astronomically, the universe is teeming with objects and energy. Astrologically, Saturn is in Leo. Meteoro­logically, it should be fair tomorrow. Philosophically, we are but a small insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?”

“Elementary, my dear Watson.” Holmes says. “It tells me someone has stolen the tent!”

Filed 8/5/19

Word-of-the-Day Friday

bulverism

The Word-of-the-Day word for the first Friday of August is Bulverism. CS Lewis described Bulverism as an insidious rhetorical trick; the device of jumping straight to explaining why something is the case, without first establishing that it is in fact the case. Sort of a combination of begging the question and the genetic fallacy. As described by Bruce Charlton:

“Bulverism is the logical fallacy of assuming without discussion that a person is wrong and then distracting attention from this (the only real issue) by explaining how that person became so silly, usually associating it to a psychological condition. The fallacy deals with secondary questions about ideas rather than the primary one, thus avoiding the basic question or evading the issues raised by trains of reasoning.”

The discerning reader (and all terry colon dot com readers are such) will have noticed Bulverism is widely (ab)used nowadays. Only we don’t label it as such. We just call it social media, politics, and in science, “theoretical proof.”

Filed 8/2/19

It’s February 29th

July-Feb3 July-Feb3 July-Feb3 July-Feb3 July-Feb1

Told you I’d remind you. Remember? Thought not. Hence, the reminder. And I’ll tell you right now, February 30th in one month. Anyway, if you want to know the why and how of this nonsense:

A-a-a-a-h-h-h, July

Filed 7/31/19 2/29/19

Monday Funnies Special

Special because you can turn the cartoon over to read the small text at the bottom by mousing over the picture.

DB12

Filed under A Dog’s Breakfast 7/29/19

Yes, We Have No Rebuses Again Today; Anagrams

BG T ER R Y C O LO N

The best anagrams, if you go in for that sort of thing, are ones where the anagram is a play on the original word’s meaning. On the other hand, perhaps ironically, there is no good anagram of “anagram.” There’s “nag a ram,” “ram a nag,” “rag a man,” and “man a rag.” Silly amusing, perhaps, but no relationship to the original. Here’s half a top ten anagrams that work:

  • Dormitory = Dirty room
  • The Morse Code = Here come dots
  • Slot Machines = Cash lost in ’em
  • Snooze alarms = Alas, no more z’s
  • Eleven plus two = twelve plus one

Refiled 7/25/19

Friday Funnies

On Friday. That’s Funny.

DB12

Filed under A Dog’s Breakfast 7/19/19

Top Ten Numbers of All Time

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Counting down to the top, after the popular fashion, I give you the…

Top Ten Numbers

10. A million.
The number we pull out of our, uh, hat when we want a bigger than everyday life number. As in, “One in a million,” “Never in a million years,” and “Who Wants to be a Millionaire?” Well, who doesn’t? Except maybe a billionaire.

9. Two.
As in binary, what makes computers possible. What makes the Interwebs possible. What makes terry colon dot com possible. That’s just gotta rate in the top ten somewhere.

8. Sixty-five.
The magical age of retirement when the pension kicks in and you’re on endless vacation. Well, sorta maybe. Story goes Otto Von Bismarck picked that age to receive a state pension because most Germans didn’t live that long back then. Whatever the case, the retire at 65 stuck in the U.S. and is largely still sticking.

7. Seven.
As in lucky seven. The most common throw of a pair of dice. Also seven seas, seven wonders of the world, and seven virtues. We’ll overlook the seven deadly sins for now.

6. Three.
As in the holy trinity. As in three dimensions. Physically and metaphysically three is everything and everything is three. Ok, three is a crowd but nothing is perfect. Except for ten (see below), but that’s only ideally.

5. Pi.
The most famous non-ordinal number going. Hey, what other numbers have a name and have books written and movies made about them?

4. One hundred.
It’s everything, as in 100%. Plus it’s a perfect score on a test.

3. Zero.
The concept of zero, a number for nothing, makes simple arithmetic possible. Otherwise we’d be stuck with Roman numerals, which weren’t really numerals but letters. Zero makes for nice round numbers, 10, 20, 50, 100. Heck, you can’t get a rounder round number than zero, look at it, it’s a circle: 0

2. Ten.
Perfection! Ten is the top rating of rating things from one to ten. All the most beautiful women are a ten. Who could ask for more?

1. One, of course.
On every top ten list one is the best. Since this is such a list, one must be number one. In fact, one’s the top slot no matter what number of items are on the list. And after all, “We’re number one! We’re number one!”

Filed 7/16/19

No Mas Huddled Masses

malibu

Another one from the 2018 Reason magazine “Brickbats” circular file via the wayback machine.

The City of Malibu has pressured the United Methodist Church into ending its twice-weekly dinners for the homeless. Officials were worried that the meals would attract more homeless people to the area.

And possibly attract Methodists. Can’t have that. Though as a sanctuary city they are accepting homeless, ilegal aliens no questions asked.

Filed 7/12/19

Humpday Funnies

Another old Orbit/Cracked cartoon via my own personal wayback machine, i.e. terry colon dot com.

DB12

Filed under A Dog’s Breakfast 7/10/19

A Linguist Walks into a Bar…

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linguist1 linguist2 linguist2 stars

Top Ten Language Themed
Guy-Walks-into-a-Bar Oneliners

  1. An ellipsis walks into a bar…
  2. Two quote marks walk into a “bar.”
  3. A typo walks into a barn.
  4. A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.
  5. A cliché walks into a bar – fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.
  6. A spoonerism walks into a bar for a call tool one.
  7. A synonym strolls into a saloon.
  8. A malapropism walks into a bar, for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs.
  9. Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and literally destroys everything.
  10. A syllepsis walks into a bar and big trouble.

Now the unnecessary punchline for every gag: And the Bartender says, “Is this some kind of joke?”

Filed 7/8/19

Today’s Word-of-the-Day Words, Uh Quiz

lickety-bg lickety-junk semi-road
semi-semi semi-wheel semi-wheel semi-wheel semi-wheel semi-wheel semi-sensor
semi-bot semi-eyes

This time around it’s either a word-of-the-day in word quiz format or a word quiz with only two words. Of the day. Making it a semi quiz. Or maybe a demi quiz. Whatever it is you can see it all here…

Filed under What’s That Supposed to Mean? 7/6/19

Monday Funnies

Like the Sunday funnies only not on Sunday, not in color, not on newsprint, and there’s only one cartoon. So, not like the Sunday funnies really.

emergency-kit

Filed under Gag Cartoon Gallery 7/3/19

It’s Gaiusember I, MMXIX

July-2 July-1

It’s July. Start of the second half of the year. And the hottest month. Remember, because of Julius Caesar July 31st is really February 29th. If you forget, I’ll remind you then. That’s just the kind of silly thing I do. Anyway, if you want my take on the calendar shenanigans of Gaius Julius, I did that in the blog a couple years ago:

A-a-a-a-h-h-h, July

Filed 7/1/19

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