BLOG 2018 CURRENT

A Guy Walks into a Bar…

…and tells this old joke:.

Two guys are arguing about whose dog is smarter.

Second Guy: Rover told me.

Filed 11/16/18

Fun and Parlor Games

Maybe you remember the old Tonight Show “Karnak the Magnificent” bit. Johnny Carson holds an envelope to his head, discerns the answer by ESP, tears open the envelope, and reads the question. Before your time? Not to worry, we just explained all you need to know. Our bit works the same, only with pull down menus substituting for envelopes.

“Two can play at that game.”

“Life isn’t a game.”

“Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds”

“Go fish.”

“Two hearts.”

“King me.”

Number three gag credit to @home_halfway

Filed 11/14/18

When They Stole the Mona Lisa for the Publicity

The Mona Lisa was stolen from the Louvre in 1911 by a criminal gang master-minded by Marques Eduardo de Valfierno in the most sensational art theft of the 20th century. Valfierno never intended to sell or ransom the painting, he had no plans for it other than it go missing. The real scam was to sell six forgeries on the black market to unscrupulous art collectors. Hey, why sell one when you can sell six? A dishonest thief, who’d’ve figured?

Thing was, DaVinci’s masterpiece was actually stolen to generate newspaper headlines. After all, nobody would buy a fake Mona Lisa unless the real one was stolen. That the genuine article might turn up someday didn’t matter, the buyers couldn’t exactly complain to the authorities they had been duped into buying a fake stolen painting.

La Joconde, as the painting was called in France, was left with an Italian accomplice, Vincenzo Perugia, who sat on the hot goods for two years expecting an eventual payoff when it was ransomed back to the Louvre. As this never happened, and unbeknownst to Perugia wasn’t part of the scheme from the git-go, he later tried to “repatriate” La Gioconda, as it was called in Italy, back to his homeland. For a little profit, of course. In the end Perugia was the only member of the gang to do time and became some­thing of an Italian folk hero, as all Italy believes the Mona Lisa was stolen from them by the French to begin with.

Oddly enough, more people went to see the spot where Da Vinci’s masterpiece used to hang in the Salle Carre than to see the painting itself, many leaving flowers as if at a grave or death spot.

Filed 11/12/18

Who Was the First Borg?

We’ve been physically enhancing our­selves for a long time, eh? Besides peg legs and ear trumpets, we’ve had glass eyes and false teeth. Not to mention wigs and toupees. As well as tattoos, piercing, scarification, makeup, and haircuts. Folks have been using chemical enhancements for ages, too. Tobacco, alcohol, peyote, hemp, coffee, chocolate. Then there’s every kind of tool. While not permanently attached, tools sure enhance human abilities over what nature provides. Much better than tattoos, piercing, scarification, makeup, or haircuts.

Filed 11/7/18

Our Sweetest Story Ever Retold

They say honey has no sell-by date, it never spoils, it can last for hundreds of years. They’ve even found perfectly preserved honey in ancient Egyptian tombs. However, stories about honey stored in not nearly so ancient web archives might not fare as well. After all, mummies found in the same Egyptian tombs aren’t so fresh, are they? So we freshened up our tale of honey, one of our earliest features, with animation and some ever so slight editing. Now it’s better than new. It’s positively refreshenating!

The Story of Honey The Processed Food Processed by Bees

Filed 11/5/18

Finder… Empty Trash…

After our two day Halloween extrava­ganza, it’s back to our regular hit-and-miss programming. If you missed the two day Halloween extravaganza, you’re out of luck. It’s gone, not archived, unsaved, never to be seen again. Just like most of our opening pointless animation.

See, if you don’t visit terry colon point com every day you might miss some­thing. A dirty trick on our part? Nah, we just aren’t digital packrats hoarding each and every bit or byte as if it were digital gold. How much daily web content is worth saving anyway? Like they say, ninety percent of everything is crap.

We see it this way: While some folks collect magazines, nobody collects newspapers, except to recycle. Then again, old magazines are rarely read or even opened, they sit on shelves or in boxes in attics collecting dust. Still, many titles are a dime a dozen, most titles you couldn’t give away at a garage sale. We suspect more than the ninety percent as mentioned above.

So every year about this time we pare down, we delete, we reduce and recycle preparing for our annual New Year’s revamp. After which only eighty percent of terry colon point com will be crap. Until we start adding more. Perhaps it will still be ninety percent crap, but it will be new crap.

Filed 11/2/18

There’s No Transcontinental Railroad in America and Never Was

“No transcontinental railroad? Of course there is,” we argue with ourselves. “We’ve seen the photos, Promontory Point, golden spike and all that. Happened 150 years ago. This is not one of those faked moon landing type conspiracy theories, is it?”

“Not a bit,” we reply to ourselves. “By ‘railroad’ we mean ‘railroad company.’ Railroad trackage goes coast to coast, yet no single railroad, not even the biggies, operates coast-to-coast in the U.S. Sure, you can send freight across the country, but it will have to be carried by at least two different railroads.”

To which we respond, “Well, that explains that. But what explains why we are talking to ourselves about it this way?”

“Uhh… On to the trivia.”

After many decades of mergers and acquisitions, there are seven big, long-haul (Class I) railroads operating in the U.S.: Burlington Northern and Santa Fe (BNSF) Canadian National (CN), Canadian Pacific (CP), CSX, Kansas City Southern, Norfolk Southern (NS), and Union Pacific (UP). These roads account for 69% of freight rail mileage and 90% of railroad employees. They be big. Yet not one of them has trackage from coast to coast. At least in America. CN and CP do go coast-to-coast in Canada.

Unlike in “Monopoly” where one player can own every railroad, that ain’t the way it works in the real world. Besides the big seven there are plenty of regional (Class II) and short line (Class III) railroads. All told, about 700 railroads coast to coast, but none coast-to-coast.

“OK. Still, what’s with the boring railroad trivia?”

“Call us nerds, but we simply like railroads. Especially steam locomotives. Just look at them; they’re big, bad, and totally awesome.”

“Nerds.”

Filed 10/29/18

“Never Mind Your Boring Speech; Use Ours”

Once again another Reason magazine “Brickbats” bit.

The principal of North Carolina’s Southwest Edgecombe High School refused to give class president Marvin Wright his diploma at the graduation ceremony after Wright delivered a speech he had written rather than one written by school administrators.

Filed 10/26/18

Which Starts with P and That Stands for Phrase

This time around, instead of word definitions, phrase meanings. Or even phrases more or less meaning other phrases. In which case, “Close is a cigar.” You’ll see. Take the test. Though this is only the first of five, go to the linked page to see the whole thing.

Parthian shot

1. Half a jigger
2. Lucky guess
3. Way off the mark
4. Parting shot

What’s That Supposed to Mean? The Collected Word Definition Quizes

Filed 10/24/18

This Week’s Animated Revamp

They say a fool and his money are soon parted. Is that why the One Percent own half the world? Or is it that it takes money to make money? Who knows. While there’s lots of old saws about money, both good and bad, there’s just as many old notions about money, too. Mostly bad. At least, those are the kind we get into.

Dumb Money Bad Financial Advice and Worse Economic Ideas

Filed 10/21/18

English Do Be Odd

Throughout Europe “Do you speak English?” just won’t do. Nobody but Brit talkers use ‘do’ like that to ask a question. The others make do without ‘do.’ Do you think that’s odd? Actually, it’s English that’s odd. Still, how do you explain how to use ‘do’ that way to people who do not do it? Or rather, “How explain you ‘do’ to people who that way speak not?” That can’t be right. How do they do it? We do not know. Do you? You do? Do tell.

This ‘do’ usage came from the Celts. A snippet from aeon.co:

“Crucially, their languages were quite unlike English. For one thing, the verb came first (came first the verb). But also, they had an odd construction with the verb do: they used it to form a question, to make a sentence negative, and even just as a kind of seasoning before any verb. Do you walk? I do not walk. I do walk. That looks familiar now because the Celts started doing it in their rendition of English…”

Read the whole article: English Is Not Normal

Filed 10/19/18

Trivia Trio

Dam That’s Big: Wood Buffalo Park in Canada contains the world’s biggest known beaver dam, about 2,800 feet wide, over twice the width of Hoover Dam. (Built by the world’s biggest known beaver?)

Rename That Tune: The most popular song on the Billboard charts for the last 60 years is “Hold On.” We should say, the most popular song title, there have been sixteen different songs of that name on the “Hot 100” since 1958. (But still only one “Do Wa Ditty Ditty.” Go figure.)

Know to Need: Back in the day, diseases such as pellagra and rickets were identified as being due to a lack of a substance of some sort. The term coined for such a missing substance was vital amine. Shortened to the now familiar, vitamin. (That’s vie-tamin as in vital, not vit-amin as in victual. Which is confusing unless you know victual is pronounced “vittle.” It’s not just a Beverly Hillbillies thing.)

Filed 10/17/18

News Roundup

We don’t beat dead horses, we round them up, hogtie them, then pointlessly animate and needlessly interactivate them. In other words, two more bits in our ongoing efforts to spiffy up the old site.

Headlines Torn from the Pages of History —and Thrown Away Things That Didn’t Happen in 2015

USA No Way Fake But Accurate News

Filed 10/15/18

The First Columbus Day

On this date in 1492 Christopher Columbus discovered the New World. Though Columbus didn’t discover it in his own mind, he thought he’d reached some outlying islands of Japan. Believed it to his dying day. He wasn’t the only one confused because other folks at the time thought the people living there were Indians. Indians in Japan? Hey, it was a new world. Well, new to everybody in Europe. That’s why they later named all the bits they took over things like, New Spain, New France, New Amsterdam, New Jersey, Newport News, and like that. Though they called it all North and South America and not North and South New Europe.

Filed 10/12/18

Your Thursday Stolen Joke

“My dad is so cheap that when he dies, he’s going to walk toward the light and turn it off.”

—Comedian, Matin Atrushi

Filed 10/11/18

Frivia Tuesday

Ten En-lightning Bits about Lightning

1. Lightning strikes over eight million times on your average day on your average Earth
2. Lightning bolts are five times hotter than the sun at around 50,000 degrees Fahrenheit
3. About ten percent of lightning strikes occur when it’s not raining
4. Lightning strikes the Empire State Building close to 100 times a year
5. Lightning hits your typical commercial aircraft in flight once a year, typically
6. Lightning and thunderbolts are the same thing, only lightning is a plural that doesn’t end in S (You know, like deer or fish)
7. Five out of six lightning trivia bits start with the word ‘lightning’
8. Make that five out of seven
9. Go back to five out of six since 7-9 really don’t contain any lightning trivia
10. No, make that four out of five since number six is actually word trivia and not truly about lightning per se

Filed 10/9/18

Latest Updated Rerun

Yet another pointlessly animated and needlessly interactive rehash of an old bit. Though we kinda give away the animation here. Still, there’s the promised interactive part. Admit it, your Interweb experience just wouldn’t be complete unless there was something to mouseover or click. So here you go:

Compare & Save Big-Time
Are You Paying Exaggerated Prices for Exaggerated Differences?

Filed 10/6/18

“Music Has Charms to Soothe the Savage Breast”

This famous phrase in the headline is commonly misquoted as ‘the savage beast.’ As a matter of fact, there are twice as many citations with ‘the savage beast’ as for ‘the savage breast.’ The phrase was coined by William Congreve, in The Mourning Bride, 1697:

Musick has Charms to sooth a savage Breast, To soften Rocks, or bend a knotted Oak.

Which means even if you get the breast-not-beast part right, it’s ‘a’ not ‘the’ savage breast. All the same, is it true? We can’t vouch for the softer rocks and bendy oak bits, but the soothing part works, no matter how you spell music(k) and sooth(e) or if you capitalize the nouns like a German.

Top Ten Benefits of Good Music

1. Upbeat, happy music helps you complete work more quickly
2. Music can help decrease levels of the stress hormone cortisol (There’s your soothing the savage breast)
3. Folks are more creative listening to happy, upbeat music
4. Your favorite music triggers dopamine release, the “feel good” hormone also triggered by chocolate and cocaine (Maybe music really is addictive)
5. Lullabies are not just for babies; soft pleasant music really helps you nod off and sleep soundly
6. Don’t feed or starve a cold, (who remembers which it is) play music; helping promote antibody production
7. Listening to music you like increases blood flow improving cardiovascular health
8. Music makes time fly, reduces the boredom of waiting (That would be music, not Muzak)
9. Music lessens pain (There’s more soothing the savage breast)
10. It just plain sounds better than the background hum and drone of modern life (We made that up, but it’s true)

It almost goes without saying all this only works with music you like. And played at a medium volume. Odious music played loud enough to rattle the windows doesn’t soothe. It might even turn you into a savage beast.

Also see: What the Music You Listen to Says about You

Filed 10/1/18

Radioactive Flyer

And now, Thursday frivia complete with pointless animation:

The background radiation level on a plane flying at 38,000 feet is over seven times the level at Chernobyl. (Don’t tell the EPA or they’ll mandate planes be made of lead. And we all know how well lead ballons go over.) Thing is, there are dozens of populated places on Earth, major cities, which have natural radiations levels higher than, even double, the level at Chernobyl. These spots are not rife with birth defects, riddled with cancer patients, nor teeming with animal freaks. Nor are folks there becoming zombified or turning into superheroes. Ditto for comercial airline flight crews.

Now then, what about that headline? Remember the Radio Flyer? A kid’s little red wagon. Strange name that. There’s nothing electronic about it and wagons don’t exactly fly, do they? Who comes up with these things? Reminds us of Grape-Nuts cereal. Grapes don’t produce nuts, they have pits. But who would buy Grape-Pits? Still, there are no grapes and no nuts in Grape-Nuts. And no radio in a Radio Flyer. Talk about bait and switch.

Filed 9/27/18

This Week’s Featured Feature Update

And still yet another new old feature updated with animation and interactivity. We think it makes things a little clearer. Or not. We can’t tell. It is livelier, for what it’s worth.

Counter-Steering Made Easy-Peasy Balancing a Bike by Turning

Refiled 9/25/18

Fall Up!

This is the last dubious fall bit we’ll do. We promise. At least for a year.

When we were younger, much younger, the arrival of fall heralded back to school, football, a new TV season, and new car model debuts. None of which we care about anymore. Our big issue now is, when will we need to fire up the furnace. And will it?

Filed 9/23/18

Reason Magazine Snippet Number Whatever and One

In London, the Tower Hamlets council has given developers the go-ahead for a project that will include offices and luxury apartments, but only if it also includes a gay bar and the bar stays open at least 12 years. The government must be involved in the decision about who gets to rent the space and will send an inspector to make sure it is sufficiently gay. Officials say they are concerned that LGBT clubs across the city are closing.

Let’s see, there’s not enough demand to keep the number of existing gay bars going, ergo we need more gay bars. Only bureaucrats could find that sensible.

Filed 9/21/18

Wise up to Words of Whimsey

Here’s a quintet of mystery words we ran across reading some Dorothy L. Sayers classic Whodunnits featuring her famous sleuth, Lord Peter Wimsey. Who, from her description, we always imagined looked a lot like Mr. Peanut. But maybe that’s our whimsey. Anyway, we didn’t know the following five words, do you?

Take the words of Wimsey test over at: What’s That Supposed to Mean? –The Collected Word Definition Quizes

Filed 9/17/18

Reason Magazine Snippet Number Whatever

Jon Carey says the pond on his 10-acre home near Butte Falls, Oregon, is the best part of the property that he and his wife bought two and a half years ago. The pond has been there for 40 years. But now the Jackson County watermaster says it is illegal. State law gives the county rights to all rainfall, and the Careys are not authorized to collect it.

Lawmakers are still debating whether counties may charge residents for rain by the inch or by the gallon.

Filed 9/14/18

Why Do Hamsters Run on Wheels?

It’s not to get to the other side. They do it because it’s there. Like a cat chasing a string, they simply can’t resist. So, are they just stir crazy being cooped up in a cage and desperate for exercise or what? Well, they put rodent wheels in fields and wild mice ran on them, too. Guess rodents all over just go for that runner’s high.

How long will hamsters run getting nowhere? They’ve been recorded as commonly going the equivalent of five and a half miles in a night. Now, we didn’t sit around counting wheel revo­lutions all night long, some researches measured it with a hamsterometer or something. They also recorded rats running 27 miles, mice going 19 miles, and gerbils clocking in at five miles.

You just knew sooner or later we’d add words to go with our oft repeated hamster wheel animation. Rendering our pointless animation a little less pointless. Though still trivial. In fact, here’s a bit of trivia to round things out: A hamster in a running wheel hooked up to a tiny generator can generate up to 500 milliwatts of electric power, enough to illuminate small LED lamps. Though why a hamster would need LED lighting isn’t clear.

One thing we can’t answer, how do the little beasties go at breakneck speed without, you know, breaking their necks? We mean, those rodent wheels are just a series of bars across two hoops, not a solid path. How do they run on such a thing without tripping and stumbling? ’Tis a mystery to us.

Filed 9/11/18

Say What You See

The old gag updated and expanded for entertainment purposes only. Your results may vary. Batteries not included. Do not eat toner.

• Optimist: The glass is half full.
• Pessimist: The glass is half empty.
• Realist: The glass is half full of air and half full of water.
• Conservative: Half of the glass is completely full.
• Leftist: Half of the glass is totally empty.
• Communist: Liquidate half of the glass and it will be full.
• Anarchist: Free the water, smash the glass.
• SJW: Homophobic, sexist racists have expropriated half the water and must be banned from drinking.
• Green: Oh-mi-god! Half the water has evaporated because of global warming!
• Cranky old man: The glass is dirty.
• Engineer: Just drink it or go get more water from the faucet.

Filed 9/6/18

Updated Rerun of the Week

New title, added text, revised art, new animation, newly interactive. But the basic gist of things is the same. All in all, a trip down memory lane down memory lane.

The Bigger Better Newer Improveder Rat Race How Middle Class Was Easier Fifty Years Ago

Refiled 9/4/18

Perfect Your Word Prowess

We dutifully bring you another chance to know your nouns, verify your verbs, define your determiners, and generally impress yourself with how many words you know the meaning of. Or will know after you take the pop quiz. Need we explain more? Surely you know how a multiple choice test works by now.

Click on text to select or change your answer. Double-click to unselect.

Otiose (ō′ shē-ōs)

1. Shaped like tubular rings
2. Reluctant to speak
3. Flat as a pancake
4. Fit to feed to pigs
5. Good for nothing; lazy

This is only the first of five. Click the link to take the entire test. The answers are there, too.

What’s That Supposed to Mean? The Collected Word Definition Quizes

Filed 8/28/18

Renewed and Reproved

Still yet another new old feature updated with pointless animation. Well, it doesn’t make it any worse.

Government Machinery at Work How the Wheels of the Government Grind

Refiled 8/24/18

Believing Is Seeing

“We don’t believe what we see, we see what we want to believe.”
–Unknown

Yes, we did this one before, but not with the fancy-schmacy animation. Are you beginning to spot a trend here?

Filed 8/21/18

On a Related Note, Yet Another New Old Feature

To continue the theme, a companion follow-up piece to Monday’s “The Periodic Table of Dark Matter” article. More of our ongoing campaign of updating old bits with pointless animation and useless interactivity.

What Fabric Is the Fabric of Space Made Of? Space Warps, Time Wefts and Bent Reality

Refiled 8/16/18

Another Week, Another New Animated Old Feature

Our ongoing campaign of updating the old site with pointless animation and useless interactivity on goes. This time around, a companion follow-up piece to last week’s “Cosmology Willikers” article.

The Periodic Table of Dark Matter The Emperor’s New Fabric of Space

Refiled 8/13/18

Our Ultimate Word Quizzzzz

Ultimate, as in the last, as in the letter Z. Not that this is the last word quiz. Just the first and last one featuring the letter Z. There is a catch. You have to go to the brand new collected word quizes page to play. There’s a link coming up right… now:

Filed under What’s That Supposed to Mean? The Collected Word Definition Quizes

Your New Animated Old Feature of the Week

As promised in our ongoing campaign of festooning the old site with pointless animation and useless interactivity, here’s another one. Be the very first to view it refreshed. And maybe the last. There’s just no telling how many folks will take the bait.

Cosmology Willikers A Newer Shorter History of Everything and Nothing

Refiled 8/6/18

Progress Marches On

Yet doesn’t seem to get anywhere. All the same, we soldier on with our all pointlessly animated and/or uselessly interactive marching orders. To that end, he’s another updated oldie. It may not be profoundly better, but it’s animated and webbier.

Extra Dimensions of Existence Don’t Exist There Is No Three in 3-D

Refiled 7/30/18

Newer, Improveder!

We have this idea that terry colon point com should be all pointlessly animated and/or uselessly interactive. This is the Internet after all. To that end over time we will update old stuff to suit. Even if it simply means an opening animated and or interactive bit that’s pointless, useless, or just plain silly. At least that is the plan. For now. Who knows if it’ll work or last.

At any rate, he’s an updated oldie. It may not be any funnier, but it’s interactive and webbier.

E-z P-z House Selling Redirect, Repackage, Relabel

Refiled 7/27/18

Frivia Wednesday

We previously explained why pound is abbreviated lb. and ounce is oz., now we wonder why number, which has no O, is abbreviated no. and barrel, which has one B, is bbl.

Up first, number is no. because it’s an abbreviation of “numero,” the ablative case of the Latin “numerus.” Which now has us asking, what the heck is the ablative case?

Ablative: [grammar] of, relating to, or constituting a case expressing typically the relations of separation and source and also frequently such relations as cause or instrument.

Get that? No worries. English doesn’t have the ablative case. Now then, where does the extra B in bbl. for barrel come from?

In the early days of the oil business kerosene was shipped in blue barrels and gasoline in red barrels. As the standard 42 gallon kerosene barrels were more plentiful, the term “blue barrel” came to identify 42 gallon barrels verses other size barrels. Which means bbl. really stands for blue barrel, hence the extra B.

Online sources have it the extra two gallons (above 40) was to allow for evaporation and leaking during transport. We have our doubts about that story because the liquid measures in containers go way, way back. These are often divisible in thirds, multiples of six, and whatnot. For instance, a barrel is one third of a butt. Half a butt is a hogshead. Two butts is a tun. A puncheon is 72 gallons, six times 12. A barrel is six times seven, 42 gallons.

Maybe. Various sources give various measures. Some say old time barrels were 36 gallons. We can only wonder who’s got the real skinny on it. Still, at least now you know how no. and bbl. came about.

Filed 7/25/18

“I don’t know, Mary, but young love just seemed better somehow.”

Filed in Gag Cartoon Gallery 7/23/18

Weekend Update

Our update, the word weekend, which used to be week-end. And today, tomorrow and tonight used to be to-day, to-morrow and to-night. When these were changed we really don’t know. Nor do we know why they ever had a hyphen to begin with. All the same, there’s never been a to-morning or to-afternoon. Nor an after-noon that we know of.

Ah, yes, frivia at its best. Or worst. Your choice.

Filed 7/21/18

Keyboard Glitch

For some reason the next to bottom row of keys on our keyboard are only sort-of working. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don’t. Makes it hard to produce new content when every sentence contains numerous missing letter typos. To show you what we mean, here’s the headline and opening paragraph as they came out before we went back and added the missing letters:

Keyoard Glith

For soe reaso the ext to otto row of keys o our keyoard are oly sort-of working. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don’t. akes it hard to produce new content when every setece contains umerous missig letter typos…

Not Exactly easy reading. Until we get this sorted out, the reader will have to make do with the archives. Thank you for your patience.

Filed 6/26/18

A-a-a-h-h-h-h-h, Summer

The crab has arrived. As in Cancer. As in the Zodiak. While astrology isn’t our cup of tea, at least its divisions, unlike our conventional months, line up with the seasons. And they come complete with beings: bull, lion, scorpion, goat, twins and whatnot. Quite handy for illustrators. What do we get with our standard month names? Boring ordinal prefixes: sept, oct, nov, dec. Which don’t line up either.

So, what might the being or whatnot be for June? June was initially named Iunius. The name either comes from the Roman goddess Juno, wife of Jupiter, or from the word “iuniores,” Latin for “younger ones.” That’s our calendar for you; things don’t line up and we aren’t sure what it all means.

Filed 6/21/18

Sins Lite

Seven Not-Quite-Deadly-but-Still-Annoying Sins

1. I-told-you-so-dom
2. Butt-in-ski-ness
3. Wise-ass-ery
4. Know-it-all-itude
5. Behind-your-back-ery
6. I’m-special-osity
7. Holier-than-thou-ity

To be honest, we’re not sure why the seven deadly sins are deadly. Sloth, gluttony, and lust don’t kill other people, they just make you a lazy, fat lecher. Calling them deadly might be overselling it a tad. Could be just an old-timey attention getting device before they came up with web ad teasers like…

Seven Horrible Habits of the Damned

Filed 6/20/18

Near Infinite D.I.Y. Blog Content

Pick the words from the pull down menus to form sentences for a fresh, unique terry colon point com blog entry of your very own. There are almost countless possible combinations. (Well, we didn’t count them, anyway.) Read ’em all! and we shouldn’t have to write another thing for months.

The lonely squalid flabby tardy hairy goofy drool silence spoon smell sponge kazoo dotes chirps walks dreams wafts splashes softly largely sideways blankly justly rashly to under after between around in the fuming smart irate rhythmic folded jumpy fuss jelly blob cracker urinal theory just like the narrow pinkish feeble shy fake lowly puzzle question stork fizz void sneeze squats tastes thinks erupts quacks listens deftly aptly calmly slowly angrily upward upon from before of for as the moldy cute endless dead runny funny bubble. bicycle. fish. trousers. blooper. thingy. So don’t worry laugh scream cry think brag over about into around before beside it. that. anything. dinner. yesterday. eternal damnation. And you can quote yourself on that.

Filed 6/19/18

A Guy Walks into a Bar…

…at the track bumping into his old friend Frank.

“How’s it going?” he asks.

“Going? Want to hear something amazing? Tell me –what’s the date today?”

“July seventh.”

“Right. The seventh day of the seventh month. I arrived at the track at seven minutes past seven. My daughter is seven years old today, and we live in apartment seven, at number seven, Seventh Street.”

“Let me guess, you put everything you had on the seven horse in the seventh race.”

“Right.”

“And he won?”

Frank shrugged. “He finished seventh.”

Filed 6/15/18

Humpday Trivia

8 Shocking Facts about Electric Eels

1. Electric eels aren’t actually eels, but a knife fish, distant cousins of carp or catfish
2. Unlike true eels, theses South American river dwellers come to the surface to breathe
3. Its vital organs are in the front 20 percent of its body while the rear 80 percent contains some 6000 cells acting akin to tiny batteries
4. An electric eel can discharge around 600 volts
5. They are practically blind and navigate by employing a radar-like system of electrical pulses
6. An adult eel can be up to eight feet long and weigh 44 pounds
7. Nobody can resist using the word ‘shocking’ when writing about them
8. Every shameless artist will have flashing lightning bolts in any cartoon of an electric eel

Filed 6/13/18

Court Jesters

Court TV imagined forty years ago by The Two Ronnies before there was Court TV. Once again, as is often the case, the original was much better. And funnier.

The Two Ronnies Courtroom Quiz –Video

Filed 6/4/18

Your Wednesday Words of Wisdom

Nobody but terry colon point com brings you Wednesday Words of Wisdom complete and uncut, on Thursday. That’s us, a day late and a dollar short. Remind us later we owe ourselves a buck. Without further ado, those promised wise words.

I felt sorry for myself because I didn’t have a pair of shoes, until I met a man who didn’t have two pairs of shoes.

—Ol’ Remus, woodpilereport.com

Filed 5/31/18

Your Humpday Ha

Q. What is the biggest lie in the whole wide world?

A. “I have read and agree to the Terms and Conditions.”

Filed 5/30/18

For Entertainment Purposes Only

How many grumpy old men does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. The lightbulb can screw itself.

Filed 5/29/18

Coming Soon: Neo Ice Age

You may have missed the news, but global temperatures have gone down 0.5 degrees in the last 24 months. That’s at a rate of five degrees per decade. As the average temperature of an ice age is ten degrees cooler than today, if the trend continues we will be in a new ice age in twenty years. Now that would be an inconvenient truth.

Don’t Tell Anyone, But We Just Had Two Years Of Record-Breaking Global Cooling

Filed 5/21/18

What’s in a Name? Really. What Does Yours Mean?

Though we don’t think of it much, names have meanings. For instance, what you do for a living: Carpenter, Cooper, Smith, Weaver. People don’t much name them­selves after their occupation these days. Though there are thousands of new, modern jobs to be named after. Instead of Smith, the most common name now might be Book­keeper, Pencil­pusher, or Drudge. Still, it’d get confusing if you changed your last name every time you switched jobs.

First names have meanings, too. These are more obscure than surnames, people don’t know or care about their meanings anymore. It’s just a personal label our parents dubbed us because they liked the sound of it or what­ever. That’s why a lot of people now have novel, totally made up, meaningless names. Check out an NBA team roster to see what we mean.

Ten Olde Names and Their Erstwhile Meanings

1. Natalie –Birthday (As in natal)
2. Sylvia –Living in the woods (As in sylvan)
3. Felix –Happy (As in felicity)
4. Melanie –Dark (As in melanin)
5. Dolores –Lady of sorrow (As in dolorous; sounds like a bad pun but there it is)
6. Portia –Pig (As in porcine)
7. Calvin –Bald (As in… uh… we don’t know)
8. Quincy –Fifth in a series (Don’t name your kids, number them)
9. Cameron –Crooked nose (It’s a Gaelic thing)
10. Alfred –Advised by elves (Old English ælf + ræd or rede*)

As you can see, names weren’t always very complimentary. Some are just plain weird. Name your kid Birthday? Guess goofy hippie names predate goofy hippies. Did Alfred the Great really have a council of wee folk? What kind of parents name their daughter Pig? Makes you wonder what the heck your parents named you, eh?

*Ræd or rede go back to an old oral usage of read, as used in “Read him his rights.”

Filed 5/11/18

The Overblown Legend of Pelé

Just ask anyone; Pelé was the greatest soccer player ever, hands down, no argument, period! Then they’ll trot out these two bullet points of evidence:

• He scored 1,283 goals
• He won three World Cups

Let’s look at those from the bottom up. Single players do not win World Cups, teams do. Team championships are a feeble measure of one players ability. Was Yogi Berra the greatest baseball player ever because “he won the World Series” more than anyone else, ten times? Were Ted Williams, Ty Cobb, and Hank Aaron lesser players because their teams didn’t win any?

Pelé did little to help Brazil win the cup in 1962, he was injured and scored all of one goal. Basically Brazil won the World Cup without him. Thing is, Pelé was never the top goal scorer in any World Cup he played in. In 1958 he scored six, while Just Fontaine netted 13. In 1966 (also injured) he scored one, while Eusébio had nine. In 1970 he scored four to Gerd Müller’s ten and teammate Jairzinho’s seven.

Now then, what about those 1,283 goals? Pelé officially scored 757 goals in 812 games. The other 526 goals came in unofficial friendlies and tour games, including when he played for the Sixth Coast Guard in the military competition. That’s like including Babe Ruth’s spring training, off-season touring and barn­storming homers in his career total. We’d guess that to be about 1,283 home runs.

Even so, many of Pelé’s 757 official goals came against third-rate teams in Brazil’s state leagues. These leagues comprise all the pro teams within a state, regardless of level. Imagine a California Baseball League with the five major league teams, five triple-A teams, five double-A teams, and five A teams. Bobby Bonds probably wouldn’t have needed steroids to knock out 80 dingers a year against that competition.

Who might be better than Pelé? As of this writing Cristiano Ronaldo has notched 652 official goals and Lionel Messi has racked up 611. Ronaldo is 33 years old and Messi is 30, both have a pretty fair chance to surpass Pelé’s career goal mark. And against better competi­tion.

Then there’s the “Galloping Major,” Ferenc Puskás, who scored 84 goals in 85 international games for Hungary. In the Hungarian and Spanish leagues he notched 514 goals in 529 matches. You might also consider Sporting Lisbon’s Fernando Peyroteo who in the 1930s and 40s amassed 539 goals in 334 official games. That’s an amazing 1.61 goals per game. In 1946-47 he tallied 43 goals in 19 games, 2.26 goals per game.

Ferenc Puskás

Fernando Peyroteo

Pelé the greatest soccer player ever? You may want to rethink that. By our reckoning he ranks maybe number five.

Filed 5/7/18

It’s Frivia Wednesday

“The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog,” is undoubtedly the most famous pangram in English. A pangram is a sentence containing all twenty-six letters of the alphabet. Still, it isn’t the only one, and at thirty-five letters is not the shortest, either.

Top Ten Other Shortest Pangrams

1. The five boxing wizards jump quickly. (31 letters)
2. Pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs. (32)
3. The quick brown fox jumps over lazy dogs. (32)
4. Quick brown foxes jump over the lazy dog. (32)
5. Pack my red box with five dozen quality jugs. (36)
6. The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dogs. (37)
7. Who packed five dozen old quart jars in my box? (37)
8. My girl wove six dozen plaid jackets before she quit. (43)
9. Few black taxis drive up major roads on quiet hazy nights. (47)
10. A quick movement of the enemy will jeopardize six gunboats. (49)

So, what’s the point of a pangram, one might wonder. It’s simply a sample of every letterform of a typeface as text. More imaginative than simply listing them, abc…xyz. Even though it ain’t much of a story.

Filed 5/2/18