Current
A crash blossom is an ambiguously worded headline leading to multiple interpretations, often with humorous or confusing readings. The term originated in 2009 when editor Mike O’Connell saw a headline from the newspaper Japan Today – “Violinist Linked to JAL Crash Blossoms” – and wondered in the Testy Copy Editors forum, “What’s a crash blossom?”
To make sense of it, read it this way with blossom as a verb: “Violinist (Linked to JAL Crash) Blossoms”
Top Ten Crash Blossoms (I leave for the reader to decipher)
Examples culled from Mental Floss
Filed 8/22/25
Afterward they can be be passed on to England in rubber boats.
Updated and refiled in Weary the Cynical Dog 8/13/25
Shamnesia (shăm nē′ sză) noun A condition where one cannot remember people, times, places, or events on the advice of an attorney.
Watch for it at an upcoming Congressional hearing, grand jury probe or corruption trial near you. And if that ploy fails to do the trick, listen for the terms conspiracy theory and/or hoax.
Filed in Fauxcabulary 8/11/25
Infrequently RE-Answered Questions
Q: Is it really better to light a candle than curse the darkness?
A: In the darkness it is better to sleep than either of those things. Which makes it a false dichotomy, but never mind that. At any rate, having lit candles strewn about while sleeping is a fire hazard and I recommend against this practice. There is no harm in cursing in your sleep, unless you live with easily irritated homicidal maniacs.
Should you feel the need to move about at night, I suggest you “turn on a light” as the saying goes. The light control is usually found on the wall near the doorway, about four feet up. Find this unit, generally rectangular in shape, and flip the toggle up (down in the UK) to “turn on the light.” If this doesn’t work, curse the damned electric company, and then light a candle.
Updated 8/8/25
Rerun Number Whatever
Q: What would a computer cost if Congress passed an Affordable Computer Act?
A: I don’t know what a computer would cost, but compare the diagrams and make your best guess. And I haven’t even included the bureaucrats to write computer specs. Which would likely mean computers must come with every bit of software the bureaucracy demands they have whether you need it or not. You probably couldn’t design a worse system if you tried. But give the government credit, they keep trying.
Filed 8/4/13
But at least, unlike the “health care” system, this new improved computer provider system won’t be poisoning us and locking us in our homes with mandated protocols. Then again, they will be tracking and brainwashing us. Progress, baby, progress!
Updated 8/6/25
—Alexander Mercouris describing President Trump's executive style
Filed 8/1/25
Top Ten Unfrozen Binomials
Frozen binomial (also: irreversible binomial, binomial freeze, binomial expression, binomial pair, or nonreversible word pair) In linguistics and stylistics, a pair of words used together in fixed order as an idiomatic expression or collocation. The words have a semantic relationship usually involving the words and or or, and belong to the same part of speech; nouns, adjectives, or verbs. Examples: fish and chips, salt and pepper, this and that, back and forth, hot and heavy, yes or no, man nor beast, so on and so forth.
Filed 7/30/25
Q: Why is there so little new material published around here?
A: It’s because this site, like its author, is well beyond its best-by date. To be honest, both linger on more by force of habit than anything else. And as you may know, old habits die hard.
Q: OK. Anything you’d like to add to that?
A: Of course not. Pay attention already. It’s all I can do to make it this far.
Q: Sorry I asked. Are we done then?
A: Egads, never say that so somebody my age.
Filed 7/28/25
Mr. Word Tells You — Write More Better
It’s a good practice to choose terms which are comfortable and familiar to your audience. To connect with your reader, tailor the language just like a clothier tailors clothes —a tuxedo for a wedding, a hoodie, jeans and combat boots for a riot. For writers, an example might be if your audience is over forty years of age you’d say “born again.” While if they are under forty you’d say, “revert to saved.” That’s the general idea, dig?
Filed 7/23/25
Top Ten Politically Corrected Team Names
Filed 7/18/25
Because Wednesday is Prince Spaghetti day* I give you a not new and unimproved evergreen
Italian pasta names Translated to English
cannelloni – little tubes
fettuccine – little ribbons
linguine – little tongues
manicotti – pipes
mostaccioli – little mustaches
ravioli – little turnips
rigatoni – little stripes
spaghetti – strings
tortellini – little fritters
vermicelli – little worms
Be honest, do you really want to dig into a heaping plateful of hot strings and meatballs? Or chow down on a steaming serving of little tongues in Alfred’s sauce? Marinara sauce is mariner’s sauce in Italian. Another word for mariner: seaman. Anyone for some little worms in seaman sauce? Yummy.
Yeah, some things are better left in Italian.
*As for Prince Spaghetti day —forget it, it’s a long gone TV ad and, per Samuel Goldwyn, a forgotten memory.
Refiled 7/16/25
According to the temperature record July is the hottest month in these parts. As opposed to Australia where it’s the coldest month. I suppose. At any rate, the hottest stretch is the Dog Days of Summer, roughly July 3 to August 11 when Sirius is most prominent in the night sky. Sirius is part of the constellation Canis Major, Latin for “Greater Dog.” Sirius is the dog of Orion, the hunter, and so is known as the Dog Star. Sirius is Greek for “searing or scorching.” Very early Greeks thought the Dog Star was partly why early summer was so hot.
Anyway, the dog days have nothing to do with dogs laying around in the sun, or the heat making everyone dog tired, or anything to do with earthly dogs. It’s sort-of the Dog Star days of summer. They tell me only mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the noonday sun. If they did, they wouldn’t see Sirius which can only be seen at night. Still, there are no dog nights of summer, only dog days, even though the dog in question is only out at night. Go figure.
Refiled 9/14/25
Top Ten Resolutions for 2025
Filed 7/11/25
