baby2 baby2 baby2 baby2 baby1
slick2 slick2 slick2 slick2 slick1

Current

Via the Wayback Machine

DB37

Filed in A Dog’s Breakfast archives 6/14/24

Kurmudgeon Kat

To Must or to Must Not

kat-43

Filed in Kurmudgeon Kat 6/12/24

Gag Cartoonery

proud-parent

“Junior’s job skills are negligible and his prospects are dubious,
but his self-esteem is rock solid.”

Filed in Gag Cartoonery 6/10/24

Mr. Yardley (the Homeowners Pal) Advises

Springy Fever

roses

It’s June. There must be some spring season things around the old property I should do, but I don’t know what.

April showers bring May flowers, so they tell me, but now it’s June, time to stop and and smell the roses. Or Primroses (which is not a proper rose despite what the name suggests) or sniff whatever blooming flowers you have around your place. If your yard has only weeds don’t bother, especially if you have hay fever. If the weeds have overgrown the property to the extent you can’t even get to the tool shed, remember, a good brush fire is nature’s Weed Whacker™.

Filed 6/7/24

Weary the Cynical Dog

Yes, We Have No Bananas

weary-dog39

Filed in Weary the Cynical Dog 6/3/24

Boys in the Hoodie

boys-5a panel2 boys-5b panel3 boys-5b panel4 boys-5b

Hover on tabs for new toon panels

Filed 5/31/24

Gag Cartoonery

dodge-ems

“Are you sure you wouldn’t rather go on the
Death-Spiral Coaster or something?”

Filed in Gag Cartoonery 5/29/24

judge-me-not

Meanwhile, Last Monday in May

spot-smith20

Filed in Spot and Smith 5/27/24

Gag Cartoonery

exit

Previously filed gag unfiled due to unpopular undemand.

Refiled from Gag Cartoonery 5/24/24

Mr. Yardley (the Homeowners Pal) Advises

There Goes the Neighborhood

sinkhole

My trailer house was swallowed up in a sinkhole and my insurance doesn’t cover it. Now I’m homeless and broke. It kinda sucks.

Gee, that’s a shame. You must be feeling pretty low. So let me tell you an anecdote I got from Bennet Cerf. Not directly, I never met him, from a book he wrote. Or edited or something.

Watching a great elm being transplanted on his Long Island estate, Moss Hart says to George Kaufman, “This little job is costing me two hundred thousand dollars.” Kaufman replies, “Shows you what God could do if He had the money.”

Keep smiling.

Filed 5/22/24

Gag Cartoonery

pop-up

Filed in Gag Cartoonery 5/20/24

Mr. Yardley (the Homeowners Pal) Advises

Cats as Cats Can

cat-cone

My cat has a plastic cone stuck on his head that he can’t back out of. He needs help.

A cone over a cat’s head indicates a cat has possibly been to a vet about something. Meaning yours has already gotten help. He (unnamed cat) might have charged it (modern credit cards require no ID or signature and so are cat-friendly) so be sure to check your credit card statement when it comes for a charge at a cat clinic, or similar. Also keep your eyes peeled for excess purchases of milk, catnip and stuffed fuzzy mice, all sure signs of a cat on a spree.

Filed 5/17/24

Seeing the Dark

spot-smith19

Filed in Spot and Smith 5/15/24

Gag Cartoonery

four-horsemen

“Sorry, guys, I couldn’t get pestilence; the best I could do was a lingering cold with the sniffles.”

Filed in Gag Cartoonery 5/13/24

chosen

I’m Board for 200 Dollars, Alex

jeopardy20 jeopardy20 jeopardy-1mask

Hover for question punchline

Filed in Joke Jeopardy! 5/10/24

Gag Cartoonery

admitting

“What can I say? We’re an admitting hospital.”

Filed in Gag Cartoonery 5/8/24

Kurmudgeon Kat

Folly Folly Oxen Free

kat-42

Filed in Kurmudgeon Kat 5/6/24

Gag Cartoonery

paint-sale

Filed in Gag Cartoonery 5/3/24

bent-head

Mr. Yardley (the Homeowners Pal) Advises

Damned Jammed Jamb

stuck

The double-hung windows in my back bedroom are stuck closed and won’t budge an inch. There must be something I can do.

There must be, but since I don’t know you I wouldn’t know; you must have some skills, but what? Now, my mother used to tell me you can do anything you set your mind to. You might find that pretty sound advice. (My brothers and I did not.) Mom also would tell me, “You’ll never know unless you try.” Though with some things like, “Can I jump off this cliff and survive?”, I’m perfectly satisfied to not know.

Keep in mind (or write it down) that if at first you don’t succeed, try again. When that fails do as mother directed: Go ask your father.

Filed 5/1/24

Gag Cartoonery

toast

The worst thing since sliced bread

Filed in Gag Cartoonery 4/29/24

Litter Gags for 200 Dollars, Alex

jeopardy19 jeopardy19 jeopardy-1mask

Hover for question punchline

Filed in Joke Jeopardy! 4/8/24

Gag Cartoonery

curiosities2

Filed in Gag Cartoonery 4/24/24

UFO

Earth Daze

spot-smith18

Filed in Spot and Smith 4/22/24

Gag Cartoonery

garage-band

“Hey, what key were you playing in?”

“I dunno. What song were we playing?”

Filed in Gag Cartoonery 4/19/24

Kurmudgeon Kat

History One-Oh-None

kat-41

Filed in Kurmudgeon Kat 4/17/24

Gag Cartoonery

like-duck-chicken

“It walked like a duck and it quacked like a duck,
but it tasted like chicken.”

Filed in Gag Cartoonery 4/15/24

go-dog

Mr. Yardley (the Homeowners Pal) Advises

Topiary Torpor

forsythia

I’m concerned because I can’t tell if my forsythias are happy where I transplanted them.

I’d be more concerned if you really could tell what moods your bushes were in. You might talk to a psychiatrist about that. Or you might talk to your bushes, that’ll be less expensive and probably more useful (less harmful) than a psychiatrist. So, you could tell your shrubbery a few good landscaping jokes (Is there such a thing?) or give it a pep talk featuring heroic bushes that grew up to be President— as preposterous as that would be.

Then again it could be that forsythias, a grumpy breed, don’t care one way or another.

Filed 4/12/24

Gag Cartoonery

faceless

“Keeping the wheels of government turning, are we?”

Filed in Gag Cartoonery 4/10/24

benchley

A Little Pro-Fun-Ditty from Robert Benchley

Quote unquote:

People often come to me and ask what I would recommend for this and that, and I ask them, “This and that what?” And they go away sadly and think me a very wise man. I am not a wise man. I am a simple man. “Simple Simon” they used to call me, until they found out my name is Robert. I take Life as it comes, and although I sometimes lie on the floor and kick and scream and refuse to eat my supper, I find that taking Life as it comes is the only way to meet it. It isn’t a very satisfactory way, but it is the only way. (I should be very glad to try any other way that anyone can suggest. I am certainly sick of this one.)

More Robert Benchley

Filed 4/11/24

Executive Disorder for 200 Dollars, Alex

jeopardy18 jeopardy18 jeopardy-1mask

Hover for question punchline

Filed in Joke Jeopardy! 4/8/24

Gag Cartoonery

half-truths

Filed in Gag Cartoonery 4/5/24

Gag Cartoonery

ambrosia

“Ambrosia stew, ambrosia casserole, ambrosia fricassee, ambrosia loaf. Yegads, do I have to eat this stuff forever?”

Filed in Gag Cartoonery 4/3/24

sanitycrime

A Fool’s Errand Likely as Not

spot-smith17

I was trying to come up with a list of history’s greatest April Fools gags (War to end all war, Peace in our time, No new taxes) and I got stuck on this phrase from the US Constitution: “…in order to form a more perfect union…” and thought it peculiar. What do they mean, more perfect? Perfect is already, well, perfect. How do you make anything more perfect? All the same, when I consider our current government as so established I see they have missed by a wide margin making it perfect, though they’ve had run-away success in making it more.

Filed 4/1/24

Gag Cartoonery

down-in-minute

“Breakfast is ready? OK, I’ll be down in a minute.”

Filed in Gag Cartoonery 3/29/24

hand-and

Kurmudgeon Kat

Don’t Look Now But…

kat-40 kat-40

Filed in Kurmudgeon Kat 3/27/24

food

In the News

tyson2

Tyson Foods Group announced plans for (I’m not making this up) new insect protein based products. Consumers need no longer worry about bugs and insect parts in their Jimmy Dean™ sausage or Ballpark™ brand franks because coming soon they will not be lacking in either. Tastes like chicken? No, tastes like Tyson. Bon appétit.

Filed 3/25/24

hoverhand

Bit Dated Bit

spot-smith16 spot-smith16

Filed in Spot and Smith 3/21/24

obesityman

Mr. Yardley (the Homeowners Pal) Advises

Squeak Squeak Thump

annoying-noise

Some of the wood flooring in my house creaks and squeaks when I walk on it. I find it most annoying.

If it’s one thing we as householders know it’s that houses make all sorts of annoying little noises. (Squeaks, creaks, groans, beeps, thumps, bangs, beeps, ticks, tocks, gurgles, high-pitched whistles, whining, barking, wailing and gnashing are examples of annoying noises) If it’s two things we know it’s that neighbors often make more annoying big noises. Like window-rattling rapping noises. (A style of music, I am told) We can only hope this forty year-old fad will soon run it’s course.

As a last thought, it could simply be your flooring is made of squeakwood. Have it checked out.

Filed 3/20/24

Gag Cartoonery

good-humor

Filed in Gag Cartoonery 3/19/24

likeit

Beedles for 200 Dollars, Alex

jeopardy17 jeopardy17 jeopardy-1mask

Hover for question punchline

Filed in Joke Jeopardy! 3/18/24

hand-and

On the Julian Calendar, Ironically Enough

spot-smith15 spot-smith15

Filed in Spot and Smith 3/15/24

andhand

Brain Tweezers (Mit Dr. Sigmund Fraud)

I only Laugh when It Hurts

fraud11 fraud11

Filed in Brain Tweezers 3/14/24

Gag Cartoonery

labyrinth2

Filed in Gag Cartoonery 3/13/24

hand-and

Promises, Promises

spot-smith14 spot-smith14

Filed in Spot and Smith 3/11/24

Gag Cartoonery

make-work

“Me-ow, don’t you just hate these make-work projects?”

Filed in Gag Cartoonery 3/8/24

Kurmudgeon Kat

Talkin’ ’bout Degeneration

kat-39

Filed in Kurmudgeon Kat 3/7/24

Gag Cartoonery

redecorate

“You must meet my decorator. He’s simply done the impossible
with the old place.”

Filed in Gag Cartoonery 3/6/24

Mr. Yardley (the Homeowners Pal) Advises

Serendipitree

tree

Years ago I decided to let a patch of wildflowers grow in my front yard just to see what I’d get. Now there’s a 30 foot tree there.

As a string trimmer is now out of the question, you’re stuck with it. So, whenever visitors, uh, visit show them the tree, pat the trunk (of the tree) and say proudly, “I grew this myself from an acorn.” As long as they don’t notice it’s an elm tree you’re sitting pretty.

Filed 3/5/24

Gag Cartoonery

north-pole

“It’s due south from here. Everything is due south from here.”

Filed in Gag Cartoonery 3/4/24

Mr. Yardley (the Homeowners Pal) Advises

Watch Where You’re Mowing

lawnmower

I ran over a big rock with my lawn mower and now it makes a funny sound.

As a general rule rocks, of whatever size, don’t make sounds, funny or otherwise. You might have run over a sewer clean-out thingy. (You’ll need to consult a plumber to know what it’s called.) If when you flush your toilet the sound doesn’t get any funnier, then it probably was something else and not a sewer clean-out thingy.

Filed 3/1/24

so-blue

Quack History Month –Didja Know…

On or about this date in 1582 Pope Gregory XIII (portrayed by Gary Coleman) established the every fourth year leap day, February 29, by issuing the papal bull Inter gravissimas introducing the modern calendar we enjoy today. And if you don’t enjoy it, you’re just no fun.

Source: A little birdie

Gag Cartoonery

campaign-ribbons

“These? They’re propaganda campaign ribbons.”

Filed in Gag Cartoonery 2/28/24

Quack History Month –Didja Know…

On or about this date in 1876 Alexander Graham Bell (portrayed by Sherman Hemsley) invented the telephone which he used the very first time to call his assistant Thomas A. Watson (portrayed by Nigel Bruce) asking him if he wanted to change his long-distance provider.

Source: My big brother told me

Weary the Cynical Dog

Doublethink Again

weary-dog38

Filed in Weary the Cynical Dog 2/26/24

Quack History Month –Didja Know…

On or about this date in 334 BC Alexander the Great (portrayed by Denzel Washington) defeated Darius the Not-So-Hot (portrayed by Tim Robbins) at the Battle of the Bands; on which site he later founded a provincial capital named after himself: Alexander the Great Neck, New Jersey.

Source: I read it somewhere or other

X-Y Axis Plot Flow Diagram Chart #9
Cash Flow Job

lucrative
wing piggie wing
wing piggie wing

Click pic to replay animation

Filed in X-Y Axis Charts off the Grid 2/23/24

Quack History Month –Didja Know…

On or about this date in 1927 Charles Lindberg (portrayed by Lou Gosset Jr.) flew solo across the Atlantic ocean. Solo in fact half the time he was underwater. When appraised of that pun “Lucky Chuckie” declined to comment or laugh.

Source: The Nigerian Prince

Gag Cartoonery

godzillas

“This town ain’t big enough for the both of us.”

Filed in Gag Cartoonery 2/21/24

Quack History Month –Didja Know…

On or about this date in 2017, Golda Haffmann (portrayed by Ru Paul) published the first periodic table of human genders. (Updated weekly as more genders are “discovered.”)

Source: U.S. Department of the Inferior

CW

Deet Deet Deedle-Eedle Eet-Eet Dee-Dee

floatyBG floatyYarmulka floatyGo floatyWire
floatyLleg floatyRleg floatyJoe floatyLarm floatyRarm floaty

Here it is: everything you could ever ask for (but didn’t) in a Daily Dump post. Only at (accept no imitations) terrycolon.com, the very epitome of less is more. (Whatever that means) And the beat goes on. Yadda yadda dee, yadda yadda dah.

Filed 2/19/24

Quack History Month –Didja Know…

On or about this date in 1956 the Soviet Union (portrayed by Nigeria) launched the first man-made sattelite, Sputnik, which orbited Earth emitting a beeping signal, translated from the Russian as, “Nya-ah nyah-nyah nya-ah nyah.”

Source: Bureau of Labored Statistics

goofy-lady

Tit for Tat for 200 Dollars, Alex

jeopardy16 jeopardy16 jeopardy-1mask

Hover for question punchline

Filed in Joke Jeopardy! 2/16/24

Quack History Month –Didja Know…

On or about this date in 250 BC Archimedes of Syracuse (portrayed by James Earl Jones) formulated the concept of the displacement of water in a bathtub and cried out, “Eureka!” which is Greek for, “Ta-da!”

Source: Whole Cloth Catalog

Gag Cartoonery

not-in-mood

“Wilson, please inform my wife that I’m really not in the mood.”

Filed in Gag Cartoonery 2/14/24

Quack History Month –Didja Know…

On or about this date in 1814 Ludwig Von Beethoven (portrayed by Jamie Fox) loses the lost chord, possibly in a box of unused computer cables in his attic (or someplace).

Source: Wishipedia

Talking Heads

That’s Faux Amusing

talk-heads-37

Filed in Talking Heads 2/12/24

Quack History Month –Didja Know…

On or about this date in 80 million BC Eve (portrayed by Whoopie Goldberg) was created and became the first uncredited woman behind everything any man ever did, ever.

Source: The Fraud Foundation

Gag Cartoonery

three-star

“Sorry, general, but we’re a three star hotel.”

Filed in Gag Cartoonery 2/9/24

Quack History Month –Didja Know…

On or about this date in 11,000 BC an ancient Egyptian (portrayed by Wesley Snipes) invented the wheel which languished for centuries until an ancient Israelite stumbled upon it and immediately sued for damages.

Source: Bureau of Lying Matters

Weary the Cynical Dog

A Fewer and Fewer Good Men

weary-dog37

Filed in Weary the Cynical Dog 2/8/24

Quack History Month –Didja Know…

On or about this date in 1430 Isaac Newton (portrayed by Damon Wayons) gets the idea for his theory of gravity when an apple tree falls on his gardener.

Source: Antifact

Gag Cartoonery

snowman-scale

“It’s just some extra water weight. It’ll come off in the spring.”

Filed in Gag Cartoonery 2/7/24

Quack History Month –Didja Know…

On or about this date in 1492 Christopher Columbus (portrayed by Denzel Washington) was discovered by the Carib Indians.

Source: Wiki News of the World

goofy-soccer-man

Frosty Bits for 200 Dollars, Alex

jeopardy15 jeopardy15 jeopardy-1mask

Hover for question punchline

Filed in Joke Jeopardy! 2/5/24

Quack History Month –Didja Know…

On or about this date in 1754 Benjamin Franklin (portrayed by Morgan Freeman) famously flew a kite in a raging thunderstorm providing the key to modern electrical theory.

Source: A guy on 8-Mile with a red hat

Gag Cartoonery

nike

“Gee, I’d hate to see what happened to the loser.”

Filed in Gag Cartoonery 2/2/24

Quack History Month –Didja Know…

On or about this date in 1938, Jesse Owens (portrayed by Will Smith) was awarded the Nobel prize for making enormous strides in Quantum Athletics.

Source: Ministry of Propaganda

Under Weather Update

Relapse from yesterday. (see below which came before) I’m not out of the woods (a notorious bad area under the weather) and in fact took a turn for the worse and went back into the woods. Not the merry cartoon woods full of bluebirds, rabbits and happy-go-lucky chipmunks, no-o-o-o. A woods full of squishy moss, nasty prickly things and downright rude bushy bits.

Which is all to say, nothing new (other than this telling you thus) for today. Hope to be back at it soon giving you exciting-like trivial drivel like: You can remove one letter at a time from the word relapse and have a word left. Relapse, elapse, lapse, laps, lap, la, a. OK, I grant you la is Spanish (Español) but, and here’s the important thing (importante cosa), it is a palabra (word).

So I lied, there is new content. Of a sort.

Filed 1/31/24

As a Matter of Unfact…

sickbed sickbed2 sickbed3 sickbed1

Nothing new added yesterday as customary because your bending author (why bending? I dunno) was laid up under the weather. Odd expression that. Under the weather. When are we not under the weather? Where else would the weather be? The expression comes from (I’m making this up, honest) being sick on a rocking and rolling ship in nasty weather. (Sick of rock and roll. Sounds about right.)

This raises the question, when you’re over the illness are you over the weather. You might be if you’re in a plane flying above the clouds. It could be raining below but you’d be over the weather. Mostly. Though is there is lighting coming off the tops of clouds going off into space, meaning being over the weather might not be all gas and gaiters. (It’s a Britism from... Lord knows.)

Anyway, I dragged myself up out of my sickbed (though the bed wasn’t sick, I was) to add this entry to the growing volumes of the old site where it will slide off into the sunset to be forgotten. Or ignored in the first place.

Filed 1/30/24

Gag Cartoonery

death-flasher

“I thought it was supposed to be your LIFE that
flashed before your eyes.”

Filed in Gag Cartoonery 1/26/24

Furious Fun with Uncle Sham and Auntie Fah

AuntieF1 AuntieF1

Hover over art for part two

Filed 1/24/24

Gag Cartoonery

optimist!

“Optimist!”

Filed in Gag Cartoonery 1/22/24

above-you

All Mixed up for 200 Dollars, Alex

jeopardy14 jeopardy14 jeopardy-1mask

Hover for question punchline

Filed in Joke Jeopardy! 1/19/24

Gag Cartoonery

blind-couple

“Something’s come between us, Harvey, I can feel it.”

Filed in Gag Cartoonery 1/17/24

more-hand

Kurmudgeon Kat

Why, Johnny Can’t Read Either

kat-38 kat-38

Filed in Kurmudgeon Kat 1/15/24

Gag Cartoonery

meta-anatomy

Filed in Gag Cartoonery 1/12/24

Let There Be Lightbulb Jokes

lightbulb-comic

Who’d ever have thought lightbulbs were so funny? Who started this sort of gag riddle, and when? Where do new new lightbulb jokes come from? In the case of this post, they come from right here at terrycolon.com where I add some of my own to the lightbulb gag glut. Without further ado:

Five Brand Spanking New Lightbulb Jokes

How many spellcheckers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Won oar too, deep ending.

How many Mexican soccer players does it take to change a lightbulb?
Uno-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o!

How many witches does it take to change a lightbulb?
Change it into what?

How many actors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Does it have to be a lightbulb?

How many editors does it take require to change replace a lightbulb lighting unit?
TK

Ten Not Quite as New Lightbulb Jokes

Culled from previous posts, just so they’re all together again for the first time.

How many dreamers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, ideally.

How many NASA technicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
They can’t, it ain’t rocket science.

How many drill sergeants does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. Drill sergeants don’t let the lightbulb quit.

How many mathematicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
n

How many cartoonists does it take to change a lightbulb?
You don’t need a cartoonist, any moron can change a lightbulb.

How many physicists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only one, theoretically.

How many plagiarists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only one, theoretically.

How many grumpy old men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Ga-a-a-h, the light bulb can screw itself.

How many procrastinators does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
I’ll tell you later.

How many honest politicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One. Good luck finding that one.

Filed 1/10/24

Gag Cartoonery

sperm-egg

“Every time we make love he brings like a hundred of his friends.”

Filed in Gag Cartoonery 1/8/24

Quickies

Beyond the Post-Modern Age: the Post-Toasties Era

fools-paradigm2 fools-paradigm

Filed 1/5/24

2023 Rearview Review Rerun

Gag Cartoonery

bookmobile

Why is this gag cartoon again, you ask again. Because it was bought and published by Reader’s Digest in September, I answer. That makes it another highlight to me. (see below)

First filed in Gag Cartoonery 2/18/22

Wait for It…

NY2024
NY2024-babyR NY2024-baby NY2024-babyL
NY2024-clock NY2024-clockM NY2024-clockH NY2024-clockS
NY2024-type NY2024-confetti NY2024-confetti

Top Ten New Years Resolutions (suggested by my mom)

  1. Sit up straight and stop fidgeting
  2. Turn off the TV and go outside and play
  3. Get a haircut
  4. Don’t touch things you don’t know where they’ve been
  5. Be careful you may poke somebody’s eye out with that
  6. Don’t play with your food and eat your vegetables
  7. Don’t start that again
  8. Don’t dare leave the house looking like that, and change your underwear
  9. Go ask your father
  10. For Pete’s sake stop picking your nose

Filed 1/1/24

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