2022 January-March

Counting Down and/or Up from Negative Zero to Infinity Plus Two

Counting down from bottom to top, I mean ten to one after the fashion popularized by The Late Show, or from last to first and getting better and better all the time, I give you the…

Top Ten Numbers of All Time

10. Zero

What could be more appropriate that to blast off with zero, eh? Just ask NASA, zero is where the action is, where all the fun begins, where the blast offs. The concept of zero, a number for nothing, makes simple arithmetic, uh, simple. Try adding a column of Roman numerals, which weren’t really numbers but letters, and see for yourself that adding a column of letters ain’t so easy, is it? Without a zero a top 10 would be a top 1. Zero is what makes round numbers round: 20, 50, 100. You can’t get a rounder round number than zero. Look at it, it’s practically a circle: 0.

9. Twelve

As in a dozen. See, twelve is so special it has a second name. There are twelve hours in the AM, and, making twelve even more specialer, another twelve hours in the PM. Twelve is the highest number you can roll with a pair of dice. Twelve is also the end of childhood, after that you’re a teenager, and we all know what hell that is for all concerned. For people not concerned in the matter for that matter. Speaking of aging by the year, one year is twelve months. Getting biblical, there are twelve disciples. Getting educational, there are twelve grades in primary schooling. Getting measuremental, there are twelve inches to the foot. Best of all, there are twelve twelves in a gross. That’s 144 for those who don’t want to do the math.…

Read the rest of The Top Ten Numbers Ever

Last chance this month because it’s 3/31/22

Talking Heads

Establishment Heads Sing the National Anthem

Filed 3/30/22

Monday Funnies

“Just once couldn’t I do a crossword or something instead?”

Filed in Gag Cartoon Gallery 3/28/22

It’s Saturday and We All Know What That Means

It means yesterday was Friday. It means if all goes according to plan, tomorrow is Sunday. If things aft agley, as the poet Burns put it, tomorrow will be Monday and we’ll be back at work again having missed our well-deserved, or not, day of rest. If things go catastrophically bad it will be Doomsday. And we all know what that means. No more terrycolon.com. Oh No-o-o-o-o!

Filed 3/26/22

Rerun, Spot, Rerun

Filed 3/25/22

Talking Heads

Must be Those Cold Winters

Filed 3/24/22

More Lesser Joe

Mouseover to open book

Filed 3/23/22

Kurmugeon Kat

Sign of The Times

Filed 3/22/22

Spring Springs

Kinda the same old springy flowers and greening snowman bit, I admit. But then, after 67 of these springtimes under my belt, well I’m fresh out of fresh ideas. All I can add is, wait till next year! Hope springs and spring hopes eternal.

Filed 3/21/22

Friday Funnies

“There but for the grace of money, lawyers, loopholes, and technicalities go I.”

Filed in Gag Cartoon Gallery 3/18/22

Thinking off the Rock

English, What a Language

Mouseover for joke part two

Filed 3/16/22

Presidents HeyDay

Just when exactly is Presidents Day? Nobody knows. Nobody cares. So I’ll go with this bit now.

Top 10 Mostest Worstest US Presidents

1. Hopeless Herbert Hoover
2. Terrible Teddy Da Moose Roosevelt
3. Joe Let’s Go Biden
4. George W Potatoe Bush
5. Papa Spud George CIA Pet Bush
6. Tricky Dicky Nixon
7. Lyin Lyndon Johnson
8. Woozy Woody Wilson
9. Frankie D for Dictator Roosevelt
10. You can fool some of the people all of the time Abraham the Sham Lincoln

Top 10 Mostest Awfulest US Presidents

1. Jimmy Peanut Carter
2. Tommy Nickles Jefferson
3. John Qui Qui Qui Quincy Adams
4. John My Son’s Worse Adams
5. Bill Hubba-Bubba Clinton
6. Ulysses Simpleton Grant
7. Sawbuck James Madison
8. Barack Affirmative Action Obama
9. James Doctrinaire Monroe
10. Warren G for Graft Harding

Top 10 Mostest Terriblest US Presidents

1. Millard Who? Fillmore
2. James K as in K Polk
3. Smartin’ Martin Van Buren
4. John Too Tyler
5. Weedy Willie McKinley
6. Chester Artie Arthur
7. Lanky Frankie Pierce
8. James Jimbo Buchanan
9. Andrew The Other Johnson
10. William Hefty Hefty Hefty Taft

Top 10 Mostest Horrendousest US Presidents

1. Handy Andy Jackson
2. The Donald Trump
3. Hairy S Truman
4. Rover Grover Cleveland
5. Rutherford B for Brains Hayes
6. Benjamin The Other Harrison
7. Zack the Hack Taylor
8. Gerald Leslie King Jr Ford
9. Ronnie Dutch Reagan
10. Cheatin’ Jack Kennedy

Top 10 Mostest None-of-the-above-est US Presidents

1. TK
2. TK
3. TK
4. TK
5. TK
6. Big Daddy of his Country George Washington
7. Silent Cal Vin Coolidge
8. Like, Ike Eisenhower
9. James A for Absent Garfield
10. William H for Ho-Hum Harrison

Filed the Ides of March, 2022

Kurmugeon Kat

Sign of the Time(s)

Filed 3/14/22

Friday Fun

“I see big changes for you in the spring.”

Filed in Gag Cartoon Gallery 3/11/22

Same Old Same Joe

Mouseover to open book

Filed 3/9/22

Talking Heads

So They Promised

Filed 3/8/22

Thinking off the Rock

Hey! What’s the Meaning of This?!

Mouseover for joke part two

Filed 3/7/22

Friday Fun

Filed in Gag Cartoon Gallery 3/4/22

Bucks Yucks

Top 10 Funny Money ($US)

1. Simply Red cent
2. John Wooden nickel
3. Stoponna dime
4. Latin quarter
5. Hiyo Silver dollar
6. Rip Torn dollar bill
7. Desmond Tutu dollar bill
8. High Five dollar bill
9. Rin-Tin-Ten dollar bill
10. Funniest of all: Harriet Tubman 20 dollar bill

Filed 3/3/22

Cat-Owie!

Perhaps some light work on the old site for a bit as I nurse an injured Roger the cat who went and got himself bitten through the from paw by some bigger, meaner critter than he thought himself to be. See ya soon.

Filed 2/28/22

Weary the Cynical Dog

The Sun Sets on the West

Filed 2/24/22

Fun from Nineteen Ninety-Something

“I’m not feeling my oats.”

Filed in Gag Cartoon Gallery 2/23/22

Special Guest Joe

Mouseover to open book

Filed 2/19/22

D’oh Canada

terrycolon.com proudly presents the updated Canadian Flag design: AKA, the Cuba Junior. Next to update, the Canadian Anthem. Specifically the line about “keep our land glorious and free.”

Filed 2/18/22

Fun from 1999

Filed in Gag Cartoon Gallery 2/18/22

Quick Quips from P.J. O’Rourke In Honor of P.J. O’Rourke (R.I.P.)

And now a few sarcastic words from my favorite curmudgeon not named H.L. Mencken.

“When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.”

“The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn… The Republicans are the party that says government doesn’t work and then they get elected and prove it.”

“If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat — in other words, turn you into an adult.”

“The question is not how does government work, but how to make it stop.”

All courtesy of the poison pen of P.J. O’Rourke. Though he probably writes on a computer.

First filed 11/16/12

More That Was the Blog that Wasn’t

As I wrote yesterday…

Before aborting the biggish reworking of the old site, I entertained many possible names for the non-feature throwaway content, formerly called a blog, before settling on The Daily Dump. Not the most original title, perhaps, but if the shoe fits and all that…

And so on.

And now…

Top Twenty-one through Forty (if that’s a thing) Free Website and/or Blog Names Nobody Asked for

• Flabbergast Bag –Don’t Miss the Bloat
• Duh News –Where Information Goes to Die
• Rubber Bazooka –Watch Out for the Backwash
• Wee Wee Wee –The All-the-Way Home of This Little Piggy
• Great Googly Moogly –Egads, There’s Another One!
• Weakened Addition –Where the Web Is Planed Down to Nothing
• First Ditch Effort –Get Out of Your Rut and Into the Groove
• Curiouser Cats –Enticing World Wide Web Readers Since 2006
• Leapers and Bounders –A Shark Jumping Blog
• On a Scroll –Short Blog for Long People
• Snark Hunting Digest –Putting the Cat Into the Bag
• Infinity Minus Two –One Step Closer to Approximate Zero
• Arrgh McMuffin Blog –Positively Gluten Free and Absolutely No MSG
• Infinite Nothing –To the nth Degree and Back Again
• Doublethink Again –The Journal of Third Rate Second Thoughts
• On a Scroll –Short Blog for Long People
• Flinging Monkey –The Website More Like It Is Now Than Ever Before
• Mysterious White Powder –The Blog from Here to There
• Yellow Press Pass –F for Fun, plus Log for blog, it’s a Flog
• Steaming Pile –The Other Thing You Had Coming

Filed 2/15/22

That Was the Blog that Wasn’t

Before aborting the biggish reworking of the old site, I entertained many possible names for the non-feature throwaway content, formerly called a blog, before settling on The Daily Dump. Not the most original title, perhaps, but if the shoe fits and all that. Anyway, I opted to use it notwithstanding. Still, with any luck my Daily Dump will be one of the 50 best web-things named Daily Dump you’ll find, if you were inclined to look for web-things named Daily Dump.

This means I have a whole smattering, or maybe part of a smattering since I don’t know how many are in a full smattering, of unused titles and subtitles which I have absolutely no need of. These I offer free of charge to the public at large, or rather the public at their computers reading this, which is not a very large public, but never mind. Without further ado…

Top Twenty Free Website and/or Blog Names (with free free subheads) Nobody Asked for

• Wascally Wabbits –Join the Webolution
• Doublethink Tank –Web Home of Circular Reasoning Squared
• Furious Green Sleep –The Blog Where Nothing Always Happens
• Notes from the Underwear –Non-News in Brief
• Faux Fake News –Endless Impossibilities Blog
• Twice as Half as Much –The Blog with Less of the Same
• Wisp of Weasels –More Fun than a Barrel of Monkeys, Without the Smell
• Anthill Bluster –Where Nits Are Picked While They’re Still Fresh
• Mess Media –Erasing the Fine Line between Fact and Fiction
• Smoldering Embarrassment Blog –Going off Half Cocked and Half Baked
• Unloading Zone –How To Talk Shirty and Influence People
• Mouse Utopia Blog –Where the Future Unwinds and Comes Unwound
• Missing Inaction –Global Headquarters of Nothing Doing
• Beyond Absolute –The Interweb Home of Infinite Density and Then Some
• Antiseptic Badinage –Where Anything Goes and Nothing Matters
• Nigh Times –Where Yesterday Meets Tomorrow
• Cognitive Dissident –The Less Is More of the Same Blog
• Funday Sunnies –Weekend Reading for the Illiterate at Ease
• Tasty Toner Warning –Please Don’t Eat the Website
• Weak Worldly News –Putting the Blah in Blog

Filed 2/14/22

Weary the Cynical Dog

Revolution Makes Your Head Spin

Filed 1/12/22

More of the Same, Only Similar

After two weeks of labor I give birth to the old and unimproved terrycolon.com. Meaning I decided to abandon the rebuild and just do a few minor tweaks to the old site. So minor you may not even notice the difference. Still, things will continue to evolve and revolve and generally get you nowhere. But maybe with a smile or two along the way.

Filed 2/11/22

New Old Cracked Magazine Thingy

I found this old O.J. Simpson bit in the files, dusted it off, and shoved it into the Cracked archives. Whether it’s still funny, or ever was, is hard to say since it was done back… I was going to say before you were born, 1997, but I’m guessing nobody under forty-something ever reads terrycolon.com, or even knows who I am, let alone remembers the old printed Cracked magazine. At any rate, click the link and relive moments you likely never lived to begin with. In which case it’s all new, if unimproved.

O.J. Industries Selling the Juice

Filed 1/21/22

Thinking off the Rock

The Old Gerund Around

Filed 1/19/22

You Know You’re Old when…

• A trip to Barbados is not your idea of an adventure… a trip to the bathroom is.
• The terms, rectifier, vertical hold, dial, and snow make you think, ‘television’… and not, ‘Huh?’
• Every new person you meet reminds you of someone you used to know… who might now be dead, you don’t remember.
• You lost your hairbrush five years ago… and still haven’t realized it.
• The people who wrote the music you listen to (on “the hifi”) are all dead… and nothing after 1970 should be called an oldie.
• Your favorite descriptors are comfortable, practical, and affordable… and never “new and improved.”
• Everything you see, hear, and read seems vaguely familiar… and never “new and improved.”

Filed 1/17/22

Talking Heads

Or So They Tell Me

Filed 1/11/22

Family Friendly Funnies

Does Dr Kimble Know about This?

Mouseover art for punchline

Filed 1/10/22

Kurmugeon Kat

Kurmugeonly Kommentary on Our Kommissars

Filed 1/7/22

USPS New Stamps for 2022

Through rain, sleet, or snow, the covid cult delivers.

Filed 1/5/22

One from the Gob Log

Filed 1/4/22

That Was the Year that Wasn’t

Bullsheet Edition:

Top Ten Things that Could Have But Didn’t Happen in 2021

1. Newest surprise for NASA scientists – space probe indicates Mars tests positive for Covid
2. Only 30 hospitalized in BLM mostly peaceful celebration of Nobel peace prize
3. NYT columnist claims spontaneous chanting at sports events shows Joe “Let’s Go” Biden is most popular president ever
4. Girls catching up to boys in sports – “This is what sex change looks like,” said former male Olympian Caitlyn Jenner
5. Climate continues multi-million year record of change despite thousands of idle windmills
6. US Congress announces new government programs to help people put out of work by previous new government programs
7. Conversationalists chagrined to find listeners mistake gag line, “Is the Pope Catholic?” for serious question
8. Dead white men expunged from US history – Living white men to be expunged from US future
9. Democrat controlled Congress passes hate vote law – Democrats sweep mid-terms with 99% of hate-free votes
10. FIFA reassigns French national team to African confederation – Team members look forward to playing road games closer to home

Filed 1/3/22

Counting Down, 365, 364, 363…

Just thought I’d cover all the bases so that this year is an improvement over last year, knock on wood. I’m also keeping my fingers crossed, my powder dry, and tying up my camel.

Filed 1/1/22