2023 July-December
2023 Rearview Review Rerun
Gag Cartoonery
“Oh dear. Looks like your father has brought
work home with him again.”
Why is this gag cartoon again, you ask. Because it was bought and published by Reader’s Digest in October, I answer. That makes it a highlight to me, at any rate.
First filed in Gag Cartoonery 3/17/23
Gag Cartoonery
“You’re going to have to deal with these harassment complaints, Georgie. You can’t just run away.”
Filed in Gag Cartoonery 12/15/23
Gag Cartoonery
“You know,
Mr. Poppinfresh, a low-carb diet isn’t
ideal for everyone.”
Filed in Gag Cartoonery 12/11/23
Do You Know Your D.O.D. Bureaucratic Gobbledegook?
I stumbled upon this list in the filed for later (much later it seems) use file and am not sure which of the listed items are real Defense Department euphemisms and which are my own or somebody else’s gag inventions. Which just goes to show reality is a self-parody nowadays. However, I am 100% sure at least half of them are the real deal. Or maybe I am half sure 100% are bona fide? Whatever the case, parody or fake-but-accurate, they are the very model of modern military intelligence.
To make a game of it, what are these military polysyllabifications in comprehensible English?
Hover over list to show answers
Filed 12/4/23
Gag Cartoonery
“It’s a quack-quack here and a quack-quack there, here a quack,
there a quack, everywhere a quack-quack...”
Filed in Gag Cartoonery 12/1/23
Failed First Drafts of Clichés
As Ernest Hemmingway is supposed to have said, “The first draft of anything is crap.” Which doesn’t mean the second is any good or “the third time’s the charm.” After all, “three strikes and you’re out.” The key to coming up with a memorable, pithy quote is knowing when to stop. Below are a few adages, saws, or sayings rendered less than ideal by excess verbiage tacked on the end. That’s why nobody remembers them. Or has ever heard them, really.
Top Ten Failed First Drafts of Old Clichés
- If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em, then stab ’em in the back.
- Two wrongs don’t make a right, but three rights make a left.
- The third time’s the charm and the fourth time is getting monotonous.
- Visitors and fish stink after three days, so never invite fish over for a three-day weekend.
- Two’s company, and three’s a crowd, and four’s a mob, and five’s a horde, and six will get you seven.
- A penny saved is a penny earned and not much of an income.
- He who hesitates is lost and he who is lost hesitates. Don’t wait, get a map.
- A man on horseback will never know the difference between his ass and a hole in the ground.
- If at first you don’t succeed try, try again and again and again ad nauseam until you die a broken man.
I know, I know, there’s only nine of these gems and not ten as advertised, but you know what they say, “Quit while you’re ahead.” Ignoring that sage advice is the problem with all the above. Though if you quit before the game’s over you forfeit and lose, as they also tell us, “Quitters never win.” It’s like, Damned if you do and damned if you don’t and damned if you don’t know enough is enough alright already.
Filed 11/29/23
Ye Olde Classic Cannibal Cartoon
“OK, the jungle sales trip was my idea, but whose bright idea
was it to sell giant cooking pots?”
Filed in Gag Cartoonery 11/17/23
Gag Cartoonery
“What’s the problem, sir. Those pants fit you like a glove.”
Filed in Gag Cartoonery 11/17/23
That’s Not Entertainment for 200 Dollars, Alex
Hover for question punchline
Filed 11/15/23
Quickies
Funk, Wagnall, and Webster Redux
Filed 11/10/23
Quickies
Monday Schmunday
Filed 11/6/23
Weary the Cynical Dog
If Poverty Causes Crime, Does Wealth Cause Honesty?
Filed in Weary the Cynical Dog 11/1/23
Boys in the Hoodie
Hover on tabs for new toon panels
Filed 10/27/23
Twofer Friday
“Sorry, but some of as really ARE holier than thou.”
A cartoon and a joke that go together like, uh, two things that go together. And now, the joke:
Besides Saint Peter at the legendary pearly gates of Heaven, not as well know is Saint Elmo at the complaint desk where one recent day a disappointed newcomer grumbles, “What goes on here? Don’t I get a harp, wings and halo?”
“First, you don’t play the harp,” says the saint. “Next, only angels have wings. Lastly, you aren’t a saint, you’re just dead.”
“That’s unacceptable. I demand to see my lawyer.”
“Go to Hell.”
Filed in Gag Cartoonery 10/20/23
Humpday Ha
“Sorry, Mrs. Poppinfresh, by the time the ambulance got here
he’d already lost too much creamy filling.”
Filed in Gag Cartoonery 10/18/23
Quickies
Monday Schmunday
Filed 10/16/23
Semi Dark for 200 Dollars, Alex
Hover for question punchline
Filed 10/11/23
But It Is what Change Looks Like
A genie grants a politician three wishes.
“I wish I were the smartest person in the world,” says the pol. “I wish I were the most popular person in the world. I wish everyone agreed with my policies.”
The genie folds his arms nodding three times saying, “Done, done and done.”
The politician walks out of his office and finds there’s absolutely nobody around as far as the eye can see. “Hey, genie, where is everyone?”
“To make you the smartest person in the world required eliminating everyone smarter, which left half of the population. To make you the most popular required liquidating all more popular people. That really reduced the remaining half. Unfortunately nobody agrees with anyone on everything, so that leaves just you.”
The politician stutters, “B-b-but that’s not what I had in mind at all.”
The genie replies, “There are always unintended consequences in wishes and politics. Still, you are now the smartest, most popular person in the world and nobody disagrees with you.”
“Well then, I’ve changed my mind…”
Poof! The politician disappeared.
The moral of the story: Man who disagrees with self gets nowhere.
Filed 10/6/23
Sibilation Syllabus or Say It, Don’t Spray It Word Quiz
By gosh it’s the grand return of the word quiz. And by golly the return of Webio-Bot. Or maybe Webio-Bot Junior. OK, its really just some would-be jokes in word quiz form. And more! ’Cause it’s interactive, you get to click things. Woohoo!
Click on text to select or change your answer. Double-click to unselect.
sinecure
- headache remedy
- dotted line for signatures
- nose hair grooming
- Vice President of the Unites States
cynosure
- end bulb of a nose
- baby android
- celebrity du jour
- second poison dose administered just to make certain (booster shot)
syncope
- putting up with awful neighbors
- li’l word
- some kind of poem or something
- we got rhythm
cycloid
- computer animation loop
- wheeled robot
- one-eyed ogre
- circle-ish
scintilla
- wee bit
- doohickey hanging down on a French C
- dud fireworks
- the tingle from a spine tingler
Click for answers
(d) sinecure (sī′ nə kyŏŏr) a paid position requiring no work (you know, civil service job or diversity hire)
(c) cynosure (sī′ nə shŏŏr) Something that is a focal point of attention and admiration
(b) syncope (sĭn′ kə-pē) shortening of a word by omission of a middle part; i.e., bos’n for boatswain
(d) cycloid (sī′ klōĭd) resembling a circle
(a) scintilla (sĭn tĭl′-ə) minute amount, iota
Scoring
Doesn’t matter. You’re a winner just for reading terrycolon.com
Click to close
Filed in What’s That Supposed to mean? 10/2/23
Dad Jokes for 200 Dollars, Alex
Hover for question punchline
Filed 9/18/23
Gag Cartoonery
“Funny. I don’t see you in religion. I see you…
in entertainment. I see you… juggling.”
Filed in Gag Cartoonery 9/1/23
At Least He’s Not Over-Thinking It
Hover to open book
Filed in The Little Read Book of Uncle Joe Squarehair 9/5/23
Power Outage
(Or a Short Bit Explaining Why There Was No New Content Yesterday)
Filed in Spot and Smith 8/26/23
Groaners for 200 Dollars, Alex
Hover for question punchline
Filed 8/21/23
Brain Tweezers (Mit Dr. Sigmund Fraud)
Down Memory Lame
Filed 8/16/23
Gag Cartoonery
“But why, Harvey? We’ve gone unchanged for millions of years.”
Filed in Gag Cartoonery 8/14/23
Groaners for 200 Dollars, Alex
Hover for question punchline
Filed 7/26/23
From out of the Memory Hole
A pop culture gag dredged up from thirty or so years ago. I guess you have to be at least fifty to get the reference. Well, it was funny back then. Perhaps. Chalk it up to Boomer-Humor.
Filed in A Dog’s Breakfast archives 7/21/23
Gag Cartoonery
“You don’t have chronic heartburn. You have an
overactive warm fuzzy.”
Filed in Gag Cartoonery 7/7/23
Celebrate the Fourth
Well, Depending on Your Point of View
And the point of view from under the bed: frightening!
Refiled from last year at this time
